story of her life

The Monsters

2012-01-21T00:44:00.000-08:00

When I said I'm battling monsters, I meant that in many ways... the most literal of which is through a board game called Super Dungeon Explore. It's a dungeon-crawler full of fun and adorable chibi miniatures. It has a bunch of grammar and syntax problems, as well as some formatting issues, but it was so worth the money. It plays a lot like the game Jaron and I started making (which we're still doing, by the way--it's different enough to be worth it for us). And the miniatures have been really fun to paint.

That's the first one I finished, and it was a lot of work. I've spent ten to fifteen hours painting already, but I've only finished nine of them (out of more than fifty). Each layer takes two or three (or four) coats of paint, and the slightest twitch in my grip can undo that. It's already happened twice. Oh, and to give you an idea of how 'mini' the miniatures are, the base at the bottom is a teensy bit smaller than a quarter. Yep.

Of course, there are other monsters out there. Work is really stressful and exhausting and sometimes painful (say the scars on my arms). I really do love the kids I work with, and I love helping them to learn. But there are some things about the environment that have upset the delicate balances of their minds, and they're learning to do things that they should never do--like spitting on people and scratching them. And lying about things to their parents.

I'm kind of upset that someone could even think I would ever hit a child. Being angry makes me sad, not aggressive, and even if I ever felt violent (um, that pretty much never happens) I would take that out on a pillow, not a person. And never, ever, on someone's child, even if they scratch all the skin off my arm and bite me and spit in my face. Never.

Heavy sigh. And now for the last big monster this week--I've decided to get back to work on Tsirash. It's not finished, really. Things that I love about my characters don't come across in my writing. I've spoken with a few people about this, and I believe the exact words were, "your writing needs to grow up." As harsh as those words were, I knew they were true.

I think I got excited because being a published writer has always been my dream, since before I could read, and I felt like I'd accomplished something. I had hopes of leaving the school battlefield and working full-time on the ideas in this messed-up brain of mine. But there are things that I want to change, and so I've decided not to query any more. I have all the pieces of the story--but not all of them are in place. Some are missing, and an unfinished puzzle cannot measure up to the whole picture. I need to grow up, be a big girl, and stop justifying my jumbled writing. I want this to be all I feel it can be, and that means starting over again.

I won't drop the other writing project I'm working on until June, when I won't have to battle at work anymore. Then I can dedicate my whole self to Tsirash. My dream will eventually become reality--but today is not that day. I have to stay alive first, and when those basic needs (money=food+shelter) are met, then I can truly begin to live.

Well, monsters need slaying, and this Rachel needs sleep. Wish me luck. :)

-Tsira

Defender - Dragon

2012-01-18T21:04:00.000-08:00

Dear blog,

Please excuse Rachel for her prolonged absence. She has been busy battling monsters of every shape and form.

Thanks.

Perfection

2012-01-07T16:07:00.000-08:00

Not too long ago I used to wait for lightning to strike. I used to wait for the inspiration, the perfect idea to hit me in the head and then I would write.

Not anymore.

“You want to write? Write. Don’t wait for a muse. Write. Just plant your butt in a chair and write.” –James V. Smith, Jr.

Good idea, eh?

It doesn’t really matter what you write. It’s why you write. I do it because I enjoy it. I do it because it makes me feel good. I do it because I want to, need to do it.

I don’t know what your motivations for writing are, but whatever they are, keep writing. If you think that you have to write something great, inspirational, profound, unique, breath-taking, or perfect to get anywhere, well, I have news for you. Writing is never perfect. It’s a process. It’s a journey, not a destination. Books are never finished, just released. You could edit the same paper a dozen times, a million times—to infinity and beyond—and it will never be finished. You’re too lazy to make it any better, or you’re rushed for time, or you’re bored, or you did your best and it’s time to move on.

I stop sometimes because I’m satisfied with my work. Sure, it’s not perfect. I don’t necessarily think that it’s inspirational or profound. My idea might be cliché. It may seem comparatively dull when I compare it to my other work. That isn’t why I sat down and wrote. I wasn’t looking for perfect. I was looking for an expression. I was looking for something… doesn’t matter what it was, really, but just that I found it. When I found what I was looking for, I was done.

At times, we are pressured to be “finished”. We have a deadline to meet. So, we turn in a draft. We call it our final, but really, it’s only a draft. All published books are drafts. They all have flaws. Really, there’s never a point where an author suddenly becomes amazing at everything. It’s practice. Publishing is the point where it’s polished enough to display, even with its problems.

It’s like art. There’s always “something more” that you can add to the drawing, painting, whatever it is, that will make it better. We analyze our own work. “Well, her nose is a little too high, and the hair didn’t do exactly what I wanted it to…” but to your three-year-old niece, it’s perfect.

Perfection is all in the eye of the beholder, just as beauty is. One man’s straight is another man’s crooked. Little children envy each other’s drawings as much as adults do. They can’t believe the work that the adult is doing, but the adult is too busy admiring the work of another artist. It follows suit, then, that one person thinks they are a terrible writer, looking at someone else’s work in awe. The little kid standing next to him is reading that ‘terrible’ book, silently smiling and enjoying the marvelous fairytale.

Comparison can be a good thing when we’re using a realistic value of things. It’s what we use to judge what is right from wrong, who our friends should be, and whether or not a scene fits with the rest of the manuscript. It’s just that we tend to focus on our worthlessness than our worthiness. We should probably not compare ourselves to others’ work. Yet we do it all the time. When we compare ourselves to others, we tend to compare our worst with their best.

That habit is unhealthy. If I look in the mirror and focus on how imperfect my face is, I’ll be depressed and avoid social situations out of embarrassment. Bad plan. Do you know what the difference between something silly and something awesome is? Confidence. (I mean, look at Lady Gaga. She wears ridiculous outfits for all of her shows, but just going by the hordes of fans she has, you’d never know it.)

If, however, you can focus on the reasons that writing is enjoyable—discovering worlds, finding a purpose, venting frustrations, manipulating words, telling stories, sharing ideas, bringing about change, or whatever else you can love it for—then eventually, that writing may find its way to someone who loves it just as much as you do. Or possibly more.

Maybe to them, it’s perfect.

-Tsira

Thief - Feline

2011-12-27T17:55:00.000-08:00

Things I need to do:

Write three chapters of my new book, following POVs of

~~Octras~~
~~Shosu~~
Rael

Write in my journal
Write reviews for

Mistborn
Skyward Sword
Minish Cap

Finish reading Sherlock Holmes (done w/ first two cases)
~~Give Luna a bath~~
~~Do laundry~~
~~Draw more pictures~~

While I'm working on these things, you enjoy this picture. Jaron and I are making a dungeon crawler of sorts... I've been drawing all the characters, and he colors them beautifully for me. Didn't he do a good job? :)

-Tsira

Green Balloons

2011-12-23T10:46:00.000-08:00

*Eee! I finally got my handmade journal from Juliana, and it's SO cute. I love it!*

It's the simplest gifts that mean the most.

I love the decorations and the spirit of giving that accompanies the holidays, the hot chocolate and peppermint candy canes, the smell of pine... and I love the unique properties of each snowfall. Sure, I hate how cold it is, and I don't want to get up in the morning, but there's something special about this time of year.

The best part is, of course, the presents.

I don't mean getting presents, though. It's giving them that makes it all worth it. People give to their friends, their neighbors, their families... and if their mindset is right, they're doing it without expecting something in return. But I wish that would extend year-round, not just when we're bombarded with "CHRISTMAS SALE" and "50% OFF" signs.

See, the best time to give presents is when they're not expecting one.

I know I told you this, but a few weeks ago I was injured at work. But there's more to the story than just that. Even though the damage wasn't incredibly difficult to bear (and has since scarred over), I cried a lot. I cried because I was angry, and frustrated, and yes, hurt. And I was left alone for some time to get over it before someone insisted that I go to the office and contact WorkCare. After all the paperwork was filed, and I was down to just sniffling, I returned to the classroom to collect my things.

One of the children in my class ran up to me and presented a simple piece of paper, ripped from a notebook. She was worried about me, she said, and she wanted to make me feel better. When I flipped the paper over, I saw 3 green balloons, drawn and colored like something you'd expect from a seven-year-old.

And I started crying all over again.

This time, though, it was because she'd given me exactly what I needed.

You never know when the simplest of gifts will help those around you. Take the time to show how you feel about them, and you'll be surprised at how much they needed you.

Well... I have the next week off of work, so I'll be catching up on everyone's blogs, finally writing all the reviews I need to do, and churning out the next two chapters of my new manuscript. Merry Christmas, everyone. I hope you keep that spirit of giving with you all through the year.

-Tsira

Dreams

2011-12-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

How real are your dreams? How much do you remember about them?

My dreams are often very vivid, but almost never make logical sense. Of course, that keeps them interesting. I'm sure some psychologist could tell me some really crazy stuff about myself because of that... but still, they're just dreams.

Two nights ago, I dreamed about a house of death. Perfectly preserved corpses laid behind glass walls, their bodies positioned like any you'd see at a funeral. I knew none of them--but was asked to release their spirits. By making their spirits visible through my breath, I could set them free. Of course, I almost passed out every time I did so.

I also dreamed that night about telling my family about this dream. And I lied to them about it. I'm still not completely sure why that was the case. Dream logic is a strange thing.

Like I said, my dreams are vivid. Sometimes I am uneasy when I wake because of this, sometimes happy, or sometimes dizzy. I ran a lot in a dream last night, and this morning I woke with shin splints. I don't know whether I am a very strange person--and by extension, a character of mine--or if this is relatively normal for other people. This is both for research purposes and to satisfy my own curiosity; I'd like to know what your experience with dreams has been.

So again I ask: how real are your dreams, and how much do you remember about them?

-Tsira

Birthday

2011-12-08T16:03:00.000-08:00

So... it's been more than two weeks since my last post... but like I said, Skyward Sword. Yup. I finally beat it and started Hero Mode, with over fifty hours of play so far.

And I've been giving everything to work lately. This week I actually had to go to WorkCare because of something that happened, and by the way, it took them forever to document and treat everything. I'm doing just fine, but tetanus shots suck. I had to get one after the incident "just in case." You know, we expect little kids to get over their shots in five minutes, but this pain in my shoulder has lasted for three days. It feels like someone is repeatedly poking me in a very tender place. It's not the worst pain ever, but I still find what the nurse said funny. She said, "Your arm might get a little sore, and if it does, just massage it a little or put some ice on it." ...a little sore? Massage that painful-to-move-or-touch spot? Are you crazy?

Well, regardless, I went back to work the next day and today was totally a breeze. It helps that it's my birthday and I feel really loved by the awesome people I know well, but it also helps that the kids were amazingly good today. And by amazingly, I mean that it never happens. This week has been major trouble, so for everything to go this smoothly is kind of a miracle. See, God remembered it's my birthday and he calmed the minds of the kids for one day.

Or so I'd like to think.

Sometimes little moments of peace are all a person needs to get through the big storm. For me, today is one of those moments. It's been a really rough few weeks, but this is so worth it. Happy Birthday, and my sympathy to all those like me who have to endure Christmas ornaments as birthday presents. ;)

-Tsira

Unique Voices - The Basics

2011-11-23T15:40:00.000-08:00

For my next novel, I'm doing something that I see in almost every Fantasy I've read: including multiple perspectives. This isn't new territory for me; Tsirash is written entirely from Octras's POV, but I've had lots of practice from my faery book and other unfinished manuscripts, numerous short stories, and even poetry. Anyone who could use a written reminder of developing unique voices for different characters (and yes, that means me, too), this post is for you.

Making every character sound unique is as complicated as it sounds--and at the same time, is not.

We'll start with basic sentence structure, which is influenced by location and age. Someone who was raised in Germany would not speak English the way someone from Canada would. Nor would an American traveling to Japan necessarily know all their honorifics. Depending on where they were raised, a character's sentences would be put together differently. It follows that a child would have a lesser grasp of language than an adult (for the most part, anyway), and might make simple errors in grammar the way a student would when first learning a new language. Children are still studying how to speak.

A foreigner or child will likely have poor grammar or make basic mistakes that most adults native to the language wouldn't make.

Next we'll go into formality. If a character is brought up by the wealthy class, educated, or if they're just a nice person, they are more likely to use an elevated form of speech. For instance, my character Shenra is polite and formal with everyone, so she chooses words that sound respectful, and she never shortens her phrases with contractions or slang. However, someone on the opposite end of the scale, living a gritty, not-so-honorable, uneducated life is probably going to use gritty, uneducated speech.

Characters will almost always use the terminology they're used to hearing. Upper class generally means formal language; lower class usually means slang.

And everything is changed by the character's attitude toward themselves and others. Shenra obviously likes other people and treats them with respect because she feels they deserve it. My character Tsira, however, pretty much hates people, so she's either saying rude things under her breath or patronizing people who she believes "think they know more than her." Someone who is curious about everything will probably ask a lot of questions. And those who do think they know everything will probably look down others, and their voice will reflect that.

Attitude affects everything.

Well, this is a simplified version, but really the only thing you need to know is your character. If you know them, their background and their attitudes, chances are, their voices will come through.

Here's a sample from Octras's POV:

Octras stared at his bag. “I hunt goods, not people.”

“That excuse is worth little. Haven’t you been in a league before?” Tsira's voice was frozen.

“No,” he said. “I never have.”

“Fine, go ahead and lie to me. That doesn’t change anything. I just wanted to tell you, I’m not worth the hundred ketts.”

“Life is worth much more than a hundred ketts.”

“Anyone else’s, perhaps. Not mine.”

Octras wanted to see Tsira’s expression, but he didn’t want her to see his. He was still angry. “You shouldn’t say things like that.”

“Don’t you do it to yourself all the time? I don’t understand why you even care.”

“Get out,” he whispered, putting his hand over his eyes.

And one more, from Rael's:

Pain. It was a welcome reminder that what she had seen was real. Not some conjured fantasy playing out in her mind. The pain was real. She was real. Lost in murderous thought, Rael barely noticed that she was not alone. A Dragonkin she did not know leaned against her post, only a few steps from where she stood. One of Shosu's apprentices, no doubt, here to punish her disrespect for a Master of Aarii.

“If you're here to cut off my tongue, then do it and be gone, already,” she sneered.

The Dragonkin shrugged, holding his empty palms out. “I was asked to deal with you. How or when was not specified.”

Her interest piqued, Rael afforded him a second glance. “What are you going to do?”

“For now... nothing. Absolutely nothing.”

Know your characters, so that we can know them, too. Oh, and happy Thanksgiving, everyone.

-Tsira

Hey, Listen!

2011-11-20T00:30:00.000-08:00

Pst. Guys. Skyward Sword.

If you don't see me for a while, you'll know why.

-Tsira

Warm Fuzzy Moments

2011-11-16T17:14:00.000-08:00

Well... it's almost over. The Warm Fuzzies Blogfest, I mean... and in honor of the conclusion, instead of asking questions, it's more of a "post one of your Warm Fuzzy moments" type thing. For those who are not participating, let me explain.

When I write, I love every moment. Even when I struggle, it only makes getting through more worth the effort. I love plotting, outlining, exploring characters and worlds, critiquing, dropping ink bombs of revision onto my words, and plain-old churning out words. I can almost always find things to fix and twist and change as I'm writing (as I'm doing now) but once in a while, I write something brilliant. And I'm not talking about the "Oh, this is AWESOME" moment that precedes later embarrassment.

I'm talking about the sort of gem that I still love when I discover it six months later, and I think, "Wow, I wrote that?" That is a Warm Fuzzy Moment.

I've always had an idea (you know, my little sister and I were like five and seven) for a faery novel that still lingers in the back of my brain. Two years ago, I attempted NaNo with a revised outline for this, and made it to about 8,500 words before quitting. But whenever I open the file, there's a certain part that I absolutely love. The main character, an orphan named Katie, has been taken from our world as a prisoner. The Pyrates lock her up below the deck of their ship, and there she meets a fuzzy creature who she lovingly calls Lucky. Well, that's where this scene comes in.

When I woke I remembered the darkness, though now everything was a dull grey. I could sense the bar near the opposite wall, and the stickiness that clung to it. A furry thing was curled up next to me, purring, and I impulsively stroked its head and ears.

The purring stopped, and Lucky stirred. “You said you didn’t mind,” he mumbled.

“I’m fine, thank you. You’re very warm. It was like having a pet—”

There was a long silence before the creature spoke.

“Katie?”

“Sorry, I… I’m fine.” I hadn’t woken from a nightmare. It was the first real rest I’d had since I was five and the dreams started.

“Katie, what’s a pet?”

I laughed and it echoed in the room. “You know, an animal you love and take care of, and sometimes they sleep next to you.”

Lucky pulled on his ears. “I’m not an animal,” he said.

“Oh… I’m… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

“If it makes you feel any better, pets are supposed to be really sweet, loyal friends. They’re soft and fluffy and they’re way cute.”

He didn’t respond.

“Lucky… I’m sorry. I’m not used to talking to anyone… I feel like I’m going crazy, and everything is so weird, and I really didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

Lucky remained silent, but he wrapped his paw around my fingers. Tiny points of claws touched my skin, though not unpleasantly. His round, shining eyes made me feel guilty. I never wanted to hurt anything so sweet.

“I’m sorry,” I repeated a third time. “I don’t know what else to say.”

“Me neither,” Lucky mumbled. “I been alone too long.”

I'm going to miss doing this, but with how busy everything has gotten lately, it's probably good for me that the fest is over. Well, my husband is shooing me out the door... concert time. Good night, everyone; I look forward to reading your Warm Fuzzy Moments.

-Tsira

Busy Week

2011-11-12T12:01:00.000-08:00

Well, it's been a pretty good week. It started out a little rough because of work, but Thursday was a short day and there was no school on Friday, so that made this weekend much more smooth.

On Thursday I went to a Speculative Fiction workshop at the CWC, and it happens again next week. It was interesting to hear what others in the workshop thought the differences between Fantasy and SciFi were. We came up with lists, which basically defined SciFi as 'cold, hard steel' and 'science' and Fantasy as 'organic' and 'magic'. This is not always the case, though, and there's a lot of overlap between the two genres. I'd definitely put myself on the far Fantasy side of the spectrum, though.

We also did a couple of writing exercises, which got me to actually write something for the sequel to Tsirash. It's been too long. Rael was getting upset with me.

(Sigh. My neighbors are watching Harry Potter on full-blast... at least it's that and not Pirates of the Caribbean. I'm starting to hate that show.)

Where was I? On Friday I had a little get-together with my roommates from college. They're all married and most of them have a kid, and in one case a house, but I'm not as jealous as I thought I'd be. My cousin and I had a good long talk about it in the car, and... sure, they are farther on the career/money track, but they're working 12-hour shifts and never get to spend time with their husbands, and any free time is non-existent with a baby around. I love babies, and I want one of my own, but...

...ahem. Friday is also my writing group meeting. We've been more distracted lately by video games and stuff, though. Actually, we've been playing Phoenix Wright as a group, and we finished a case last night. Despite the grammatical errors, I love those games.

I also found out this morning that I won one of Juliana's handmade journals for the Blogfest this week! I never expected to get anything from it, actually. I just thought it would be fun to participate and meet some more writers/bloggers. And I definitely have. I'm sad that next week is the end of the Fest... :(

Well, this week has been much busier than usual... I'm headed to Desert Star Playhouse today, too. My brother gave Jaron and me his tickets. :O

How has your week been?

-Tsira

Shenra's Sucky Life

2011-11-08T17:12:00.000-08:00

This week the Warm Fuzzies question is about main characters. How do you kick them while they’re down?

Let's face it, being an MC would suck. All of my characters actually kind of have sucky lives. Octras, Tsira, Shenra, and Jake are all orphans... hmm.

But let's just focus on poor Shenra for a minute. Granted, she's not the master character of Tsirash, but she is a major one.

-Her father died when she was too little to remember him much.

-She was raised in a slum and ate rats.

-Her mother was lonely and depressed, and often told her so.

-She was introduced to a new 'father' a short time before a new brother was born.

-Shenra constantly had to protect her younger brother from bullies.

-The new 'father' only stayed for a few weeks at a time.

-...and he died, too.

-Her mother died shortly after from heartache.

-She and her brother moved away on their own so she could study Healing arts.

-As it turns out, her religious views were not accepted by the other Healers.

-So, she couldn't learn the magical part of Healing, only the medical parts.

-She learned a hard truth then, that she could not bring back the dead.

-Oh yeah, and she's also going blind.

Yet Shenra is... kind of amazing. She chooses to focus on the few good things in life. (By the way, she is the one who explains 'tsirash' to Octras!) So, based on this, could you come up with a title for a book?

-Tsira

PS. Speaking of slightly encouraging things, I got a partial request from one of my queries. It was turned down after that, but I'm still going ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshyay. :) It's a step up from a rejected query to a rejected manuscript. Ha.

Spoken Words

2011-11-07T16:30:00.000-08:00

I don't know if I've told you this before, but I have a verbal communication issue. It's partly due to my family--we kind of have our own language that filters through movie quotes and inside jokes. It works when I'm with them, but when I'm with anyone else, no one has a clue what I'm talking about. Another part of it is my overactive imagination. I make jumps in subject that make sense to me, because my brain goes A-B-C-D-E-F in 0.6 seconds, but it comes out as A-F and again, no one knows what I'm talking about.

Beyond that, my brain wanders fairly quickly, and even when I'm focusing, I sometimes miss entire paragraphs of conversation. My husband could tell you all about that.

Then there's plain old blankness. My mind wipes my vocabulary when I try to explain things out loud. Let me elaborate.

I try to tell you something
your eyes show that you're wondering
I fumble--try anew
but my mouth will just not do
anything I ask it to

you cannot find a meaning
in the words that I am speaking
my spoken thoughts do not ring true
but when I write, I show to you
the message finally gets through

Well, that's it for today. Happy writing, everyone.

-Tsira

Stupid Synopsis

2011-11-05T14:13:00.000-07:00

I sent out my second batch of queries today after taking a long, hard look at my basic query letter. My pitch needed some work.

The standings are now thus:

Sent: 15

Rejected: 4

As soon as I revise my synopsis I'll send out some more. The synopsis... is just okay. It's work to me to do this. Writing the book was the easy part. This is nerve-wracking, wear-me-down, make-me-bleed work. Writing a query wasn't so tough, but for some reason that synopsis is killing me. I don't know what balance to strike between speed and detail, what rhythm I should follow, how much I should hold back, and how much I should let go.

And the thing is... there's no perfect solution.

Because people are different, there's not an answer that will appeal to every agent. I just have to trust myself. And that scares me.

...

-Tsira

Everything is Inspiration

2011-11-02T14:24:00.000-07:00

*Sniff* I despise being ill.

Okay! The questions over at the Warm Fuzzies Blogfest this week are: What do you look to when you write? What inspires you? How else do you use your creativity? Music? Pictures? Art?

I'll start with this.

This is the drawing that summarizes my entire first novel, Tsirash.

As for what inspires me, the answer is everything. I've talked about this before, but my inspiration comes from everywhere. The color of a leaf. The scent of warm soup. The sound of a purr. The taste of smoke on the wind. The texture of skin. The ache of love. Anything and everything I experience makes me want to write.

But it's more than that. I don't just write words, but also music. I often lament the fact that I have no piano of my own, and cannot sit down to play whenever I want, but thanks to the numerous music-creating programs out there, I can come up with pieces I will never get to hear with real instruments. Most notably, I've written a dozen pieces so far for my husband's project, Gaialite. Right now it's taking backstage to some other creative works, but if you want to hear it, here is one sample, and here another.

I also have a piano piece titled Tsirash, for, you guessed it, Tsirash. It captures the mood of my novel really well, I think. But I won't post it here for personal reasons.

And one more thing: I draw, too. I know, I know. I have a finger in every pie. Below my profile pic (over here -->) is a link to my deviantART page, where writing, drawing, and photography can all be found. I even have a folder for my book there... it's the LOM project. Yes, LOM, standing for Legend of Mura. That was the name I created for the project back in... oh, 1998. It doesn't fit anymore, but that doesn't really matter, does it?

My head is all fuzzy from medicine, so... I haven't thought of a way to wrap this post up all tidy-like. Until next time... peace.

-Tsira

Proud To Be a Writer

2011-10-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

I'm totally excited for this BlogFest. The question this week: Do you tell other people that you're a writer?

Yes, I do.

The common answer in the writing community seems to be "No." And I get it; it doesn't come up, or worse, you've had a bad experience. When we tell others that we write, we're worried that they won't care, don't understand, or will try to talk us out of it. "That's not a career, it's a hobby."

But more often than not, I get a positive response from my coworkers and friends.

"So what did you do this weekend?"

"I wrote a bunch," I say.

"Oh yeah? You're a writer?"

"Yeah... I finished a book this year. I'm trying to get it published."

"What's it about?"

"A mercenary protects this girl on a journey south. It's a fantasy, so there's trolls and sword-fighting and stuff." (Note: professionally, my oral pitching totally needs work, but in casual conversation with friends, this simple delivery will suffice.)

"Sounds cool. Good luck with that."

Sometimes they actually ask about the writing process, what it's like trying to get published, or ask for more details about the story, but usually that's the extent of the conversation. Painless.

For me, it's harder to not talk about being a writer than it is to tell everyone. It's such a big part of my life. I've been writing since I could hold a pencil, and it's always been my dream to get a book published. But I'll tell you the best reactions are these:

"You're a writer?"

"Yeah."

"Hey, me too!"

We're not as uncommon as we think we are. I have two different writing groups (one that Jaron was referred to, and one that we made on our own) and they're full of people from all walks of life. We have friends who work with children, with medicine, with computers, and with music who are working on something of their own.

My deep affection for my husband started with one such conversation. We were both stuck at our high school, and when we talked, we eventually delved into our stories. The long discussion about rules of magic, types of characters, and family situations that ensued was the starting point for our relationship. So do I tell people I'm a writer?

Always.

-Tsira

Coincidental Resemblance

2011-10-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Story time.

Last weekend, I went on a mini-vacation with my husband, Jaron. For the most part, we lounged at the hotel and ate all sorts of body-destroying deliciousness. We did, however, spend one morning walking around a mall, shopping (but not buying). During this time, Jaron insisted on going into Game Stop. Despite my protests* I was whisked into the store.

After getting high scores on Wii Play Motion, watching several people play inFAMOUS 2, and glancing over hundreds of titles, Jaron and I eyed the used PSP games (we bought a PSP this year). That's when I saw this box art.

The art style and colors are what caught my eye--so I picked it up, and began to read.

"Drunk, despondent, and down on his luck, a spellsword mercenary named Crais Sewell reluctantly accepts a job from a young, cheerful troubadour named Sophie Rothorn. Their mission: to recover seven jewels scattered throughout the world of Iyar- for what reason, Sophie refuses to say. On their travels, Sophie and Crais meet Melrose, an eccentric mage with a penchant for dissection, Tinon, a tomboy who wields her magic a little too liberally, and Patty, a young woman with a good heart and a love for magical items disproportionate to her funds. As it becomes clear that Sophie's quest is not unrelated to a past Crais would prefer to forget, he faces a choice: Will he confront his past failures, and ultimately overcome them, or succumb to despair and misery? It is entirely possible that the fate of the world, or at least Crais's corner of it, may depend on his answer."

Now, let me put this into perspective here. I just finished writing a book about a mercenary acting as a bodyguard for a mysterious rich girl. I'll revise the above description to show you what exactly why I was so startled.

"Despondent and down on his luck, a mercenary named Octras reluctantly accepts a job from a young, mysterious girl named Tsira. The mission: to protect her as she heads south--for what reason, she refuses to say. On their travels, Tsira and Octras meet Shenra, a healer with a penchant for honesty, and Jake, a boy who wields his tongue a little too liberally, though he has a good heart and a love for swordplay disproportionate to his skills. As it becomes clear that Tsira's quest is not unrelated to a past Octras would prefer to forget, he faces a choice: Will he confront his past failures, and ultimately overcome them, or succumb to despair and misery? It is entirely possible that the fate of the world, or at least Octras's corner of it, may depend on his answer."

Anyway, I spent some time looking up this game, Mimana IYAR Chronicle, and as it turns out, the game isn't like my book beyond this snippet. And it's supposedly a failure. Its ratings are really low, the gameplay is considered tedious, and the story apparently falls flat. But it got my attention, so...

Similar stories could be applied to many of the ideas I (and my younger siblings) have come up with. The character Tibblz from my TimiThy story (you know, from the first grade) was almost a perfect match with J.K. Rowling's Tonks. My little brother thinks up Rowan of Fire, and next thing we know, we see Rowan of Rin at the library.**

We joke that someone with brain cameras is stealing our ideas, but honestly, is there anything original anymore? Has this ever happened to you?

-Tsira

*Going into a game store is exhausting in much the same way as going into a book store. It's partly because I want them all, and I know I can't afford any of them. I mean, we can afford like $50 a month for that stuff. That's only ONE game. And right now, we're waiting for Skyward Sword.

**Rowan of Rin has very little to do with my brother's idea, and was published before then, but I was just talking about the shock of finding a coincidental resemblance here. At the time we discovered the book, we freaked out. I was only ten.

Newness

2011-10-22T12:27:00.000-07:00

It's been a pretty crazy week. Between teaching, getting spit out of my hair, celebrating a wedding anniversary, visiting art galleries, fixing Jaron's haircut, browsing for Halloween costumes, trying to beat those stupid red chocobos (curse you, Final Fantasy Tactics!), attending writing group meetings, and many other things, I've written a few new scenes.

For me, this is a totally different style. I haven't written much from Tsira's perspective, since Tsirash takes place entirely from Octras's POV, and finally getting into her head is so strange. It's kind of like visiting my seventeen-year-old self, who had a pretty depressing, hateful thought process. But I have to balance that tension with her sensitive side so that she doesn't come across as, as my friend Nikki put it, a heartless b****.

I have a lot of practicing to do.

-Tsira

Oh, and by the way--Jaron, I love you. :) Happy anniversary, angel.

The Three Types of Stories

2011-10-16T14:14:00.000-07:00

They say there are two types of stories: character-driven and plot-driven. But, being a fan of fantasy and science fiction, I suggest that there is a third--world-driven.

While every novel should be some combination of the three, most writers tend to favor one over the other two. I've stated my preference before; I love books that are primarily about the characters. But what kind of story do you favor? Where should you begin when you write? Do you draw up a character, a world to populate, or a fantastic adventure?

Character-Driven Stories

My ideas generally spawn from ideas for characters, and ways to make them interact. My first novel, Tsirash, relies heavily on the relationship between Octras and Tsira. They are foils for each other, "mirror characters" who handle similar circumstances in different ways--and different circumstances in similar ways. While the plot and world are interesting, the focus is on the characters.

If the story consists mostly of internal conflict or dealing with relationships (and I mean all relationships, not just romantic ones), you are probably reading/writing a character-driven story.

Examples of character-driven stories:

Plot-Driven Stories

My little sister and I once worked together on a story called "TimiThy" (although we later decided it was a stupid name). The story had a specific goal: kill the villain, Mr. G.(Gladiator), and restore the kingdom of the Fairies. While we had some fun characters, Timi and her friends were really just along for the ride, doing what was necessary for the plot to advance.

Whatever the goal may be (getting the Holy Grail, rescuing the princess, or achieving enlightenment), if it takes center stage, it's a plot-driven story.

Examples of plot-driven stories:

World-Driven Stories

Dave, a friend from one of my writing groups, cannot say that he has people living in his head the way I do, nor can much of his writing fall under the plot-driven story. You see, Dave's specialty is world-building. His science fiction creations often revolve around ideas of virtual space, countries where video games affect the real world, and theories of quantum mechanics. And that's perfectly fine--in fact, it has worked for many, many authors. There are lots of readers who love nothing more than delving into another world for the possibilities it presents.

Science fiction, and its sister, fantasy, are the rulers of the world-driven story. I listed Lord of the Rings as plot, but it could just as easily fit here. J.R.R. Tolkien was a master of world-building and languages; writers and game creators almost always draw from the mythology he created for their fantasy. Even I am using the race "Elf" in my book (although the similarities between my Elves and his are few).

When the mechanics of the world are explained in great detail, even to the point of halting the plot, the story is a world-driven one.

Examples of world-driven stories:

What kind of story do you like the most, or the least? (Any other thoughts about these three types of stories are always welcome. I love hearing from you!)

-Tsira

Getting Around Writer's Block

2011-10-11T22:03:00.000-07:00

In recent months I've heard a great deal about writer's block. I'm sure that all of you have at some point felt it--your drive just isn't there, or if it is, the words you're searching for can't seem to be found. But what can you do to overcome it?

1. Write. I've heard this advice countless times. When you've written yourself into a corner, write your way out of it. Actually, all other solutions are pointless unless you write. If you're stuck on one scene, try writing another scene and coming back to it later. You may also want to backtrack and try the previous scene again. Maybe you can't do that. Well, then, you'll write a different book, or if you must, write about a completely different topic.

2. Brainstorm with a close friend. I struggled with a scene last week because I can't write about nothing. It bores me. While I knew I needed a scene between point A and point B, all I knew about it was that it had to show the relationship between two characters. There was no conflict, however, and when I realized this I tried to solve the problem on my own. I had no ideas. So I asked my husband, Jaron, to help me. He gave me a simple suggestion that spurred my imagination again: "Do they celebrate birthdays in your world?"

The answer was no, but that prompted more questions: What do they celebrate? Would there be some kind of festival at this time? What would it be for? Would they give gifts? What kind of things might they give as presents? Having a second mind was just what I needed.

3. Read. You may find the answers you're looking for are right under your nose. Books, poems, critiques, articles, blog posts, research... there's so much in the world to be studied. Chances are, one of those things will ignite your interest in your writing.

4. Go outside. I know how easy it is to relax in your jammies and just eat cereal. But leaving the comfort of your home is essential if you're going to write anything. Why? There are so many things that you can't have from your seat in front of the computer screen; the sights, scents, sounds, tastes, touches, and emotions that make up your experiences will shape your writing, in whatever form that may be.

Go to a museum, or a park, or a restaurant. Enjoy life. Soak up that information, and then use it. Take a notebook with you wherever you go, and write your thoughts down. It's simple and effective.

5. Imagine the problem as an obstacle you can overcome. Jaron once told me that he imagines a little samurai slicing up his fears like they're made of paper. This can apply to your writing, too--and in a strange way, it works. I've fired catapults at imaginary fortresses, pretended flight or invisibility, and punched holes through 'impenetrable' armor. It's a temporary solution, but if it's the kick in the rear you need, go for it.

I've used all five of these things at one point, and they've always worked for me. But if there's any others that work for you, feel free to comment and I may include your solution in a future post.

-Tsira

Great News

2011-10-06T16:58:00.000-07:00

Yes, exactly that. I come bearing great news!

A new site for writers, called inkPageant, has launched!

inkPageant is an easy-to-use writer's reference, aggregator, and search engine. Having the pleasure of joining the site before its official launch today, I see huge potential for this site. I have already enjoyed exploring the posts on inkPageant a dozen times, lapping up the information from both professionals and hopefuls like me. And with your help, this could be the #1 place for writers from around the world.

Right now the site holds about a hundred blurbs, all linked to writing ideas, tips, and reviews... and guess what? You can be a part of it for free. You can share your ideas, your tips, and your reviews. For their launch, inkPageant is even holding a contest for a $50 Amazon gift card, where the writing posts you share become your entries.

I also have some great news about my writing--I sent off my first batch of queries yesterday. From one time-efficient agent I already received a reply: "No, thank you."

Polite, sweet, short. Rejected.

Yay. I think I'm going to print it out and hang it on my wall. (I'm being serious here. I'm not disappointed or angry; in fact, I'm just thrilled to receive such a prompt response.)

-Tsira

Concise, Character-Driven Stories

2011-10-03T18:28:00.000-07:00

I know, I know, you think I'm a slacker because I haven't posted anything. And in a way I guess that's true. Work leaves me stressed and tired, and keeping up with everything I enjoy is very difficult. I think I have too many hobbies.

But writing takes up most of my time. Most of the hours I spend on the internet are for precious networking and research. This weekend alone I spent over twelve hours researching queries, synopses, outlines, agencies, and agents. And how many agents did I end up with? Eight. Sure, it's easy to look up agencies. The Writer's Market helps with the basics, but even using that, finding someone who would enjoy my particular style took a lot of time.

I'll make this clear now: I love fantasy--but while I love exploring worlds, that is not the only purpose of a book. To me, a good story must first and foremost be about people. Elves, Drow, Na'vi, whatever you call them, a story needs interesting characters. My favorite book right now, Inkdeath, is centered around diverse but realistic people; Dustfinger in particular is so interesting to follow as he struggles against the roles assigned to them. My favorite video game, Majora's Mask, forces Link to relive the same 3 days over and over again, living in a beautiful but sad place where all the citizens are trying to cope with the prospect of imminent death. Their dreams and nightmares, successes and failures, become his purpose.

Hand in hand with my love of people is my love of concise language. Fantasy is often full of florid descriptions, which sometimes bores me to a stupor. The best way I can think to present my idea is through comparing it to poetry. Using vivid, tight language will get your point across in a much better way. While you could string any words together to make a poem:

I like to read a lot; reading is awesome and fun.

I curl up in a corner, getting ready,

then soak up every little part because my mind is like a sponge for words.

I feel a sort of aching in my chest because I love it so much.

I go to a different place in the story; I am no longer me, but the people of the book.

(Bored? I was... I couldn't continue to write this.)

Carefully choosing your words will strengthen every aspect of your writing.

Out of curiosity I grasp the giant book.
My fingers start to trace
The letters black and smudged. As I begin to look,
I’m in another place.

The words flow with such eloquence, the paragraphs with grace,
And I, in reverence rare,
Wander to a corner, finding my own space,
For this I cannot share.

I have never been so ready, never so engaged.
My body starts to chill.
My mind enraptured, focused, devours every page.
My eyes cannot stay still.

Until into reality I step, I’ll stay right here.
A world of fantasy
Awaits my anxious heart. The story whispering near
Is beckoning to me.

I included these two points in each query letter. I'll be sending those off tomorrow or the next day after I get some feedback on my synopsis. Hopefully there won't be too many major problems with it... I'm off to edit it now. Wish me luck!

-Tsira

PS. The poem at the end is titled "Reading" and was first published by me in 2008. It can also be found here.

Inspiration

2011-09-23T17:01:00.000-07:00

I feel really lazy for not writing in over a week. I may have said this before, but my job is very tiring and so when I get home I don't feel like doing anything. Lately that means spending way too much time on video games.

However, just because I haven't written anything doesn't mean I haven't thought about writing. I've gotten all sorts of good ideas this week from people-watching, working, and trimming my mom's bushes... which brings me to the main point of this post.

Inspiration can come from anywhere.

It doesn't have to be from an intense brain-storming session, or even from being slightly productive. Going about work as usual can be just as inspiring as going on a soul-searching journey through the wilderness. And I would never rule out video games as a source of inspiration, either. I started up Minecraft again this week, and as I was making a map and exploring the randomly-generated world, this random thought popped into my head: what if I wrote a story centered around this world? Snow to the North, deserts to the West, mountains and caves to the South and East... that might make a neat setting for a novel.

Of course, inspiration can also come from others. I love having two writing groups--one of people I knew in school, one of people I met through the library system. Each group has a different feel, and so when one group is stumped by a problem, the other can solve it. This past Tuesday the Columbus writing group said something that really stuck with me, and I think I'll be incorporating that into Rael's character. So cool.

Well, I'd like for you, dear readers, to tell me what crazy things have inspired you.

Until next time!

-Tsira

Warbreaker

2011-09-15T19:19:00.000-07:00

Warbreaker by Brandon Sanderson

My rating: 4 1/2 out of 5 stars: ****^

Well, I'm finally getting around to doing this. I have to tell you, I loved this book. I loved the world, I loved the characters, and I definitely loved the writing style. There are no glaring flaws with the book. However, there were a few little things that bothered me, and so I'm going to explain what took me away from giving Warbreaker a five-star rating.

One thing that I always notice about writing, in any form, is that grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors are everywhere. And while I make mistakes of my own, I'm sad when I see it happen in a formally published place. On a sign, in magazines, newspapers, and especially books (which should be showing off the best writers). Anyway, I'm happy to say that this was generally not a problem in Warbreaker. There were a few sentences I stumbled over, but on the whole, the writing flowed beautifully. But the reason I bring up this point at all is this. On page 501, Vivenna is having a conversation with Vasher--when suddenly Lightsong replies to something Vivenna says. Since Vivenna has never met Lightsong, I assume Mr. Sanderson meant Vasher. But that, little as it is, has been coming back to me every time I think about this book.

The second problem with this book is a smaller form of what I didn't like about Elantris. It is this: when a book sticks to three or four characters for five hundred pages, it is jarring and frustrating to introduce a tiny, trivial character's POV. Here we are in the action--I want to know what is going to happen to the characters I have come to know and love--and there's a random two-page chunk from a guy sitting in his boat. And while this sort of explains the question of "What happened to this thing?" It isn't really even necessary. Because through Vivenna's POV shortly after, we could have filled in the details ourselves.

The last thing that annoys me when I think about it is Vivenna. She's pretty useless. Sure, she gets into a lot of trouble, but she's being led by the hand the entire time. And when no one is holding her hand, she drops off into oblivion until someone rescues her. Her actions (or rather inactions) make her by far the weakest character in the book. I could get into details here, but I don't want to put spoilers in this post.

Like I said at the start, I loved this book. I was even caught by two big surprises! That doesn't happen very often for me; I can usually figure out what's going to happen at least a little while before it does. That was part of why I loved it so much. The little mysteries like who Lightsong was before he Returned and why the God King, Susebron, acts so strangely at first really kept the story engaging. I was happy to ride along, even if I wasn't sure where the story was headed. I believe that anyone who likes fantasy should pick this up. My favorite thing, its original take on magic (the colors and Breath system), was executed in a brilliant way.

Now to see if I can pick up a copy of Mistborn...

-Tsira

View all my reviews

Query Letter Babylon

2011-09-09T15:22:00.000-07:00

I should be writing the next part of my sequel right now.

I finally came up with a sample query letter. It says pretty much nothing about me. It's a hook and a few lines to show what Tsirash is about. I still have a lot of research to do agent-wise. Nikki from the Columbus Writing Group lent me a book called Your First Novel, by Ann Rittenberg and Laura Whitcomb. Half of the book is about writing, half is about publishing.

Since my book is already done (although I'm still open for revisions as little issues come up--my brother Andy and I have been trading feedback for the past few weeks) I kinda skimmed the first half of Your First Novel and went straight for the publishing part. It's been really useful and I'm so glad Nikki let me borrow it. I'm thinking about just purchasing another copy so I can have it on hand even after she wants it back. Anyway, there's a lot of work that goes into publishing. I knew that already, and I knew that there was a lot I will have to do to promote my own book. But getting to know what agents do/don't do and what I can expect in terms of waiting periods, questions I'll be asked, advances (money--sure I want to make a profit, but it's not the main reason I'm doing this... if it was, I'd be in major trouble) and contracts.

One great suggestion given in this book (and I'm sure I've seen it elsewhere too) is that I look for the agents of authors I admire, whose writing styles are similar to my own. My brain screams, "Brandon Sanderson!" I finished Warbreaker a week or so ago (a review is coming soon, I promise) and loved it. This may be pretentious, but... I do think we have similarities in style. The idea wasn't even brought up by me. Someone at our writing group brought it up several times a few months ago. "This reminds me of a Sanderson novel," he said. "Have you read anything of his?"

"No... but I will now!"

So far, I've digested two of them, and I definitely want to consume the Mistborn trilogy. Om nom nom.

Words are delicious.

-Tsira

PS. The title for this post comes from a chapter heading of Your First Novel.

All Sorts of Things

2011-09-01T20:08:00.000-07:00

A small box caught his attention. It was unadorned, unlike most of the other things on the table. He picked it up and brushed the dust off with his thumb. A simple carving, shaped like a dragon with a circle beside it, cut into the top. He blew the remaining dust from the marking and twisted the box around, looking for a way to open it, but none could be found.

Like a steel blade, Tsira’s voice cut through the musty air. “It doesn't open.”

I'm listening to some music I wrote for Jaron's game. I... really like it. And I don't want all that work to go away. Our new computer, one that needs a new motherboard, is being held by the store until the motherboard arrives. And they're saying "If we can't get it, we'll get you a replacement."

But there is no comfort in that. I don't want a new computer--I just got one, and I've done a ridiculous amount of work on it. A ton of my artwork, newer revisions of my book (luckily that one was backed up in several other places a few days before the final crash), and most of all, my musical compositions--they're all on that hard drive. There's no reason for them to wipe the hard drive, but I'm still terrified. My brain keeps telling me they're going to wipe it just because they can. And then I'll lose all of that work. Jaron told me to back up everything when the crashes first started happening, but as we were doing just that, black screen of death happened.

I feel really emotional about the work I've done the past couple of months. I don't think I can handle losing all of that. Sure, I have mp3s of about half the game music, and versions of my art all over dA, but I'm kinda paranoid. Makes me want to cry when I think about that happening. I've been saying stuff like "if that happens I'll shoot someone," and that's not at all like me.

Anyway... adding to my stress right now are all sorts of other things. I feel like the laziest person on the world for not having submitted queries to fifty agencies already, but the truth is I've already done the hard part. Tsirash is done. How many of the would-be writers in the world have actually gotten that far? I know a lot of people who want to write something and have never done it, because it's a ridiculous amount of work.

If you can call it that. For me it was happiness, and a lot of well-used time. Certainly not 'work' at all.

Although, I love my job... and it's a ton of work. It feels like a service that goes unrecognized. The pay is not that good for what I do every day. But it's because I didn't jump through the career hoops of professionals. I'm a teacher, without the degree. I'm a mom, without the childbirth. I'm a cop, without the training. I'm a psychologist, nurse, and babysitter. My job takes everything I have.

Even my skin.

-Tsira

Back to Work

2011-08-24T18:54:00.000-07:00

Lost in murderous thought, Rael barely noticed that she was not alone. A Dragonkin she did not know leaned against her post, only a few steps from where she stood. One of Shosu's apprentices, no doubt, here to punish her disrespect for a Master of Aarii.

"If you're here to cut off my tongue, then do it and be gone already," she sneered.

Work started again this week. I'm working with third and fourth graders now, so they're a little younger, a little less hormonal, and also a little less communicative. They're super adorable and don't have the social understanding of what's for "little kids" and what isn't. What I mean is, you can ask them to touch their nose, and they'll gladly show you where their nose is. They'll tell you what color crayon they're holding. They go crazy over pop-up, open-the-flap, and magnet books. They dance and sing the alphabet.

It reminds me of my nieces and nephews.

But! (if you buy two completos...)

But these kids also have the capacity for great trouble. If they get frustrated, instead of asking for help they will just scream and hit things. We have a couple of wanderers that get into anything and everything. They can't manage to walk in a line... or keep their hands to themselves. We have a lot of sticky fingers in our class. We've already had kids try to take classroom items home (so we have to check backpacks now). And a few of them are also terrible liars.

What I mean is, they'll think up lies quickly to get what they want. And luckily, they're not very good at it. I watched today as someone sat on another person's feet, and when the one behind them moved, they immediately started crying and said that they'd been kicked. I'd watched the whole thing because I knew they were fighting over a certain spot, and it was really obvious what had happened even to those who weren't really paying attention. Other such problems happened all day.

But I really do love my job. Like I said, they're super-cute, and I know I can help them learn to be better with the work that I do. Granted, not all of them will accept my offer, but if even one of them improves in the slightest, I am happy to be a part of it, to have the opportunity to watch them grow.

...off topic, I'm still stuck on the query letter stuff. It scares me, that a little page has to sell me and my entire manuscript, and that it can easily be brushed aside without a second glance if I don't deliver on the first sentence.

Long sigh.

-Tsira

Wizard's First Rule

2011-08-15T16:30:00.000-07:00

Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind

My rating: 3 1/2 of 5 stars: ***^

My thoughts on this book are pretty conflicted. Wizard's First Rule is over 800 pages long, so this post is probably going to end up very lengthy. I'm going to go through this by point and explain my thoughts in each area.

First off, characters. In books, characters are the most important thing to get right. If you can't find a reason to care about them, there's no reason to read the book. So, characters. Richard, Kahlan, Zedd, Chase, Darken Rahl... they're all very interesting, dynamic characters with varied personalities, strengths, and flaws.

The book spends the most time with Richard, and his biggest flaw is pretty obvious--he's impatient, and it gets him into trouble a few times. Kahlan has problems of her own; she likes the idea of being friends with Richard and so she is afraid to tell him what she really is. Actually, Richard is unusually patient with her about this, now that I think about it.

Darken Rahl is an interesting villain. He's very good at twisting ideas to make others believe him, and he's so confident in his plan for the boxes of Orden that he lets his enemies roam without giving them too much attention. On the other hand, he is like a child when it comes to certain matters, mostly pertaining to his scar. Because of that, he slaughters girls who come to his bed. Plus he's constantly licking his fingers and rubbing them on his lips and eyebrows. (The book mentions that action so many times it's almost ridiculous.)

Second topic, description. Here's one place where I'm totally torn. The highlights of this area are his character, clothing, and location descriptions, which give vivid imagery without overdoing the language. They're precise. Where it fails is the overly graphic gore. The first time this happens is when Darken Rahl butchers a little boy. Instead of telling us that he murdered this little kid and turned him into a monster, it explains in depth how he pours molten lead into the kid's mouth, cuts him open, mashes up his organs and eats them and smears them all over his naked body. I... did not need to know about that. A simplified sacrifice would have sufficed. The book also talks about splattering brains, spread-out intestines, and the last bit of the book is spent in pain and morbid sex mode. Not pleasant.

Dialogue. I didn't feel like there was ever a time where the dialogue was forced. Although it was at times lengthy, I didn't feel like there was a convenient misunderstanding for the purpose of explaining the world, like I often find in other Fantasy, for example, The Wheel of Time. It was different than how we speak, but it fit the rhythm of the story very well.

Now for the setting. The world this book is set in, its rules, was probably the strongest part of Wizard's First Rule. The magic was somewhat different from other books I've seen. It fed off of particular parts of human emotion. The sword feeds on anger, on wrath. The Confessor's touch is really just the power of love. The Mord-Sith deliver pain. Zedd reads clouds and manipulates things in subtle ways, such as sharpening a knife or making food cook faster.

There was one thing that bothered me about Zedd's power, however. It's basically useless. Whenever there's a battle, he ends up paralyzed or helpless. The only time it seems to be really helpful is in the beginning, when he catches a gar and sends it off after a group of D'haran soldiers (called a quad).

Last, the plot. I loved part of it, hated part of it. The pacing was effective through the first quarter, moving fast enough to keep the action going, but not skipping over it. It introduces most of the characters during this time, but as I said before, the descriptions were enough to give a good image without going overboard on the detail.

The part with the Mud people was... not my favorite. To be honest, I don't think that the book needed it. Richard and Kahlan waste a lot of time there, and while their little relationship develops a little, most of the time is spent trying to convince the elders to call a gathering to find the last box of Orden. And what happens? They don't know where it is, and Kahlan ends up leading Richard to Shota even after several hundred pages back where she thought of going there and decided against it. They should have just gone there in the first place.

The third quarter of the book is definitely my favorite. I loved the parts with Rachel and Giller (and not just because my name is Rachel!). I loved the exchanges between Zedd and Kahlan and Richard as they traveled toward Queen Milena's castle.

The last part with Denna shouldn't have gone on as long as it did. It could have taken twenty pages to cover what took more like two hundred, and it completely stops the action for the pages and pages and pages and pages of torture. Hooray. (note sarcasm)

I'm sad to say the ending was predictable. I saw the 'betrayal' coming from the very beginning. I saw the purpose of the Wizard's First Rule, I saw the trick Richard was going to play, I saw it coming for hundreds of pages. But it was still fairly enjoyable, still satisfying to watch it play out. And it did so almost exactly as I figured it would... well, except for randomly having the betrayer's head on a spear. Yes, that felt totally random.

Anyway... I've gone on for far too long about this book. Until next time, peace.

-Tsira

Weekend Trip

2011-07-27T13:56:00.000-07:00

Last weekend, I went on a little "camping" trip with Jaron and his mom. Their family has a cabin in Wyoming, and it was really nice to get away for a few days. And the scenery was great. The woods are so pretty, and the air is so clean and cool. (Now if only there weren't so many bugs.) The nights were super dark since there was no electricity, which made sleeping a little easier, but I did have to snuggle close after the incidents with spiders so that I didn't have nightmares.

We played lots of card games. I learned how to play SkipBo, and we also played Phase 10, Egyptian Rat Killer, Speed, and Uno (of which Jaron and I have invented Speduno) and while I read Wizard's First Rule (still working on it, by the way), Jaron finished Phoenix Wright.

We also tried going on a walk, and while we did see a rabbit, the mosquitos caused all sorts of problems for us, so the walk was pretty short. If it wasn't for them, I would have loved to keep going.

Anyway... I've been working on the sequel to Tsirash, and after (I think) six attempts at writing my first scene from Shosu's POV, I finally came up with something that flows really well.

So, here are some pretty pictures to look at. :P

(Yay, look, a bunny! I wish my camera had a better zoom. Oh well.)

(That's not the cabin, by the way. That's the scenery out beyond the woods.)

-Tsira

Gaialite

2011-07-21T20:01:00.000-07:00

First order of business: the results of the Guess Whose Mii contest. The winner is... Valerie!

Okay. So... As far as writing and drawing goes, I haven't done much lately. But I've been keeping pretty active, creatively speaking. Like I said in my last post, I've been writing songs for Jaron's game. I've set up two of the pieces on FileFreak, so you can listen to them here and here. Keep in mind that these songs are meant to play in a loop, so the sudden ending is actually where the song would start over.

Jaron's game, called Gaialite, is coming along very nicely. He's basically done with the first two worlds (of eight total). Those are the forest world, Treeterra, and the ice world, which I'm pretty sure is called Chillville. It's a really amazing thing that Jaron is doing and I'm so glad to be a part of it. It's nearly all original stuff, from the scripting (almost all of the RPG-VX stuff has been overwritten with something of Jaron's genius) down to the cute custom graphics. The plan is to use all original music as well, and I've added ten pieces to the game so far.

I set kind of a high mark of achievement for myself. I decided that each world deserved its own style of music to match the setting, and so I'll not only write themes for the towns, fields, and dungeons, but each world will have its own battle and boss themes using the same overall style of the world. There will be some common elements, though--I'd like to see character themes that play no matter where you are.

Anyway... I'm getting tired. And I've slept so much today... I'm going to go read a book or play one of the games I need to finish.

-Tsira

Game Music/Guess Whose Mii #7

2011-07-16T12:18:00.000-07:00

I miss having a piano. I would never lug one of those giant, heavy things into my apartment, though, even if one was offered to me. I play when I can, usually when I go to my parents' house--that's where all my sheet music is, too. Not that I actually have much of my own. It's just the FFIX Piano Collection and some Debussy and a few random pieces. I haven't learned a new song since... I can't even remember. When I play, it's usually just to remind my fingers of what they already know.

(Oh. My. Heck. Stupid white-trash neighbors.)

Anyway... back to music. So we have a little music creator on our computer, and I've been using it to write down a few pieces as I mean for them to be, with flutes and harps and guitars and music boxes and violins and stuff. I'll probably never get to hear any of my pieces on those instruments in real life, so midi is as close as it gets. Plus I've made a few new songs. Eventually, I'm hoping to amass enough to score Jaron's video game. I wrote four pieces for the forest world and two for the ice world so far.

It's enough to get by. I find myself listening to the pieces over and over again because I can't play them myself.

(Shut up! Geez, it's like this every freaking day.)

So this is going to be the last Mii. I have more, but... I'll save those for later. All right. Who is this?

-Tsira

Machine of Death/Guess Whose Mii #6

2011-07-11T17:12:00.000-07:00

Even though the machine was on its side, the lights were working, little green arrows beckoning Amber to put money in it. Before she could stop herself, she was putting in her dollar, getting her finger pricked, taking the card that it gave her.

Amber inhaled sharply as she read the five letter word. TRAIN.

So, there's this thing called Machine of Death. It's a story collection, and they're taking submissions for a second one--but only for a couple more days. I've thought about writing a story since the end of May, but I've been caught up in so many other things that I put it off until the last minute. I'm about halfway done... right now the story is about 1500 words. I plan to double that. But it's a race against time. I can't just sit around and not write anything anymore. If I'm serious about this, I need to book it.

Anyway... The last picture was definitely Shenra. Fifteen points for those who guessed correctly. :)

Now for a tough one. Who is this?

-Tsira

Phoenix Wright/Guess Whose Mii #5

2011-07-07T17:47:00.000-07:00

Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney

(If you click on the link, watch out! There's spoilers...)

My rating: 4 out of 5 stars ****

All right. So we got three games in the mail last month, and this was one of them. And I finished late last night, when I probably should have been sleeping. But I have to admit, this game was really addicting.

It doesn't really sound like the sort of thing that should be in video games. I mean, you're an attorney. Most of the game takes place within a courtroom, during trials. When you're not in the courtroom, you're out talking to people, finding clues through dialogue or gathering evidence.

But there's something fascinating about court mysteries. If your defendant is innocent, then whodunnit? Through listening to testimonies and pointing out contradictions, you dig to the bottom of everything to reveal the truth. And it's actually very active. The music intensifies as you discover pieces of the real story, and the characters dramatically change in appearance, as if you've physically punched them, when their lies are exposed.

There are five episodes, steeply increasing in difficulty as you go. The first case is something of a tutorial, taking only thirty minutes to an hour, and the last case took me over seven hours to solve. When I got to the last case, I wasn't bored by this extra length, since it introduced many new features: spraying for traces of blood, finding fingerprints, examining evidence in a rotational 3D area, and even watching a video tape. And as far as testimonies go, it was always very gratifying when I figured something out and revealed the contradictions in someone's statements.

The characters are complex, having their own set of ideas, motivations, and talents. I was particularly interested in the character Miles Edgeworth, a prosecutor who is involved in almost every case in the game. When you meet him, he's a scary, confident, and somewhat stubborn man, doing "anything to get a guilty verdict." But he's much more than that, as you soon discover.

All right. So here's where it had some trouble. First, there are massive amounts of dialogue, which isn't a bad thing, but it led to some typography errors. It didn't really start until halfway through the game, when I noticed a "too" instead of "to." After that, I noticed a few "your" instead of "you're(s)," and things like "probable" instead of "probably."

That always puts a damper on my mood, but I have to admit it happens a lot with video games that are originally made in Japan. Translating a novel-length script from Japanese into English is undeniably difficult. But they did do a very good job integrating colloquial terms and patterns of dialogue.

The other problem I had while playing this game has to do with getting "stuck." At times I could not progress because I was overlooking a little thing somewhere along the line (outside the courtroom), and I had to present evidence until a person was willing to talk to me about something. Sometimes I was talking to someone, Phoenix would think "maybe she'll talk to us if we show her such-and-such" and so I would show them, but then the option for a new subject didn't come up. I would then present some unrelated photo, etc. and when I got a tiny unrelated reaction, the next dialogue option, about the first thing, would appear. It was a little frustrating.

In the courtroom, I sometimes had the opposite feeling. I knew what the contradiction was, but if I pointed it out too early, I was penalized. I was like, "Phoenix, just figure it out, already, so I can move on!" So I'd say "Hold it!" to something, Phoenix would think about it and say he had an idea, and then I could do exactly what I'd done a minute before and continue with the story. Sigh.

But overall, I really enjoyed this game. It was an unexpected delight as a game, and I'm very glad that we bought it. I think I'll get the next one soon.

Mii #4 was: Xisht. So Valerie and Jaron both get fifteen points. Next up...

Who is this?

-Tsira

Voices of Dragons/Guess Whose Mii #4

2011-07-04T14:56:00.000-07:00

Voices of Dragons by Carrie Vaughn

My rating: 3 of 5 stars ***

Okay. So I basically read this book in a single afternoon. And I sort of expected it to be exactly how it was. I did hope for a little better, but I wasn't really disappointed, either.

One of the strongest points of this novel was the pacing. It started off strong, with our main character, Kay, being saved by a dragon. I was immediately thrown into this world, this... alternate reality, as it were.

See, the pretense of this novel is that after the U.S. nuked Japan at the end of WWII, long-forgotten legends, the dragons, came out from deep underground. There was another war of sorts, ending with a shaky peace between the humans and the dragons. The humans surrendered part of the world (the arctic circle, pretty much) and they've had a truce for the last sixty years.

Sound interesting enough? So no one really knows anything about the dragons anymore. They keep to themselves, far away from the territory borders. And curious people are usually stopped from crossing by local law enforcement. Until Kay is saved by the grey dragon Artegal. They start seeing each other regularly, learning from each other, becoming friends. It's something like Romeo and Juliet with dragons, and in fact, the book draws this parallel itself.

But here's where the story fell flat. Let's start with the military. You know, always the bad guys? Of course there's some sort of conspiracy to start the war again, and with no real reason except to show off fancy new equipment and raise hell for the dragons. Because, let's face it, the people in the military are always corrupt. In fact, there's only one person in the military who seems to be a somewhat 'okay' person, but they end up dropping their niceties over a stunt Kay pulls.

The other thing that bothered me was that, while Kay is a smart, interesting person, her friend Tam is another cliche backdrop to the story. "Let's buy expensive prom dresses." "I have a boyfriend and he's the best." "Sex is the best thing in the world." "Did you do it yet?" "You seriously didn't do it? What's wrong with you?" That's right, she's a shallow sex addict. Actually, in a way, I was reminded of the stupid friend Jessica from Twilight. I found that stuff pretty much equal.

So while there were some things about this that I really liked in the concept, there were others that were just plain lazy writing in execution. So it gets docked a star for military, docked a star for stupid Tam.

All right. Now for the fun part. Let's see... Jaron added his guess to #2, Jake, so he gets five points (since it's already over). #3 was... Octras! So Tyrel, Jaron, and Valerie get fifteen points. All right. Now that that's figured out...

Next Mii! Who is this?

-Tsira

Wildthorn/Guess Whose Mii #3

2011-07-02T19:39:00.000-07:00

Wildthorn by Jane Eagland

My rating: 2 1/2 of 5 stars **^

*WARNING: Contains spoilers*

While I did find this book very easy to read, from the smooth transitions to the depth of characters, there were a few things that bothered me. I'll start my nitpicking at the actual writing. There were a fair amount of typos, which... if you know me, is frustrating. Things like "Was I good child?" or "took if off" and other such problems sometimes made me remember that I was reading someone's first novel, instead of letting me get sucked into the story.

Okay. So ignoring that fact, I read this book very quickly, trying to figure out who had put Louisa in Wildthorn. The obvious answer was Tom, and although by the end Louisa finds out the treachery goes much deeper than that, it was still right. Basically she ends up hating everybody for what happened, except her parents and her unfortunate cousin Grace.

The reason Louisa was put into the asylum is also not clear from the beginning, but through flashbacks we find that she's a forward-thinking girl who likes doing 'boy' things like doing experiments, and she wants to be a doctor like her father. While Papa is supportive, no one else is. When he dies, her dream is basically crushed, but she's still very defensive about it.

As if this weren't enough, Louisa is also a lesbian. She had some crush on Grace before being put in Wildthorn asylum, but obviously couldn't say anything about it. And Grace got married to a guy named Charles.

What bothers me about this is... it seemed like the book was saying, "Because she's an independent girl, she also must be attracted to other girls." And it really has nothing to do with the main story, or with her being put in the asylum, because no one but her knew about it. Also, as a warning to anyone who still wants to read it, there is a short, nondescript sex scene between Louisa and another female character at the end.

Mii #2 was... Jake! So Valerie and Jeremy get 15 points each. :) Here's the next one. (The scar on his face should only be on one side, but... it's a Mii. What can I do?)

Who is this?

-Tsira

Elantris/Guess Whose Mii #2

2011-06-29T13:01:00.000-07:00

I finished Elantris by Brandon Sanderson. It's been a while now, but I should be able to give it a good review.

So, it started off slow, as most fantasies do--although it wasn't so much the beginning as what came immediately after. At first it was actually like most other books, starting off with some kind of hook. That is, it starts with Raoden, prince of Arelon, being taken by the Shaod. The Shaod is the force that changes people into Elantrians, beings who used to be glorious and were sometimes worshiped as Gods. But for the past ten years, it's basically turned them into zombies. Their heart doesn't beat. Their hair falls out. Pain from a wound stays with them. And even if their body is bashed in (as we see in Raoden's first day in Elantris) they continue to live.

After this little gem, we go to Sarene, a clever princess from Teod who finds out her husband to be, Raoden, is "dead". She doesn't know Raoden has been taken to Elantris--it's been covered up. And then there's Hrathen, a gyorn (high priest) from Fjordell, a religious militaristic country bent on holy war with Arelon. And Hrathen thinks he's going to convert everybody to keep that from happening in three months time.

After the introduction of all three main characters is when the story lags. Raoden does his thing in Elantris, Sarene uses her political skill to worm her way into the system, and Hrathen starts preaching. And it pretty much goes on like this for a long time without any serious happenings.

The most interesting part of the story is definitely Raoden's. Simultaneously trying to build a New Elantris and figure out what happened to the city and the Elantrians, this area of the story moves at a good pace, revealing little clues and introducing characters naturally. The mystery revolving around Elantris is fully realized near the end, and it left me satisfied.

The part I had the hardest time with was actually the last hundred pages of the book. Although it remains faithful to Raoden, Sarene, and Hrathen as the POV characters for most of the book, it suddenly switches to several views not present earlier in the book. Lukel. Dilaf. (I'd name others, but I can't even remember who they were!) And it's this kind of change that threw me out of the world and back into my apartment. Along with the POV change, there were two places where action was occurring, and I got confused as to who was in what place for several pages.

But in the end, my liking for the beginning and later half of the book won, and I finished. Although there were definitely places where the book could have improved (what book couldn't improve? they're never done, just abandoned...) I definitely had fun staying up late to read it. It's been a while since I've been able to do that with a fantasy (since The Last Dragonlord, actually).

I rate it 3 1/2 out of 5 stars. ***^

So, Mii #1 was Tsira. I'm sure you were trying to let others guess, but I was hoping for you to answer in the comments so I can award points. :)

Anyway, here's the next one. Who is this?

-Tsira

Listing Agencies/Guess Whose Mii #1

2011-06-27T17:22:00.000-07:00

So... I went to the library today to pick up Writer's Market(R) 2011. Even with the separated part I ended up with, Novel & Short Story Writer's Market(R), the book is huge. It's 650 pages. And I've got a lot to do.

So far, I've read a bunch of the articles and, except for having my own website, I actually feel like I'm doing pretty well. One of the most useful articles was actually a Q&A, "Advice from Agents", compiled by Chuck Sambuchino. (He's an editor for Writer's Digest Books.)

Anyway, with all of the advice in the beginning of the book, I haven't been shocked or discouraged, as I was expecting--which tells me that my book is ready.

I made a list of the agencies that might take me on as a client; next I guess is researching the individual agents to get a grasp for who would be most willing/best to represent my novel. After that, it's working out query guidelines. There's a lot of steps in this process, and I admit I'm scared to death. But this is what I've wanted since I was little, and... I'm going to make it happen.

Tsirash will be published.

In other news, I got a 3DS, and the remade, beautiful Ocarina of Time. I've beaten the game seven times over the past decade, and I found that I was just as excited to beat it again--actually, more so, because there's a Master Quest to play when I finish. And the 3D graphics are so awesome. Literally. I am in awe. Awestruck, astonished, astounded. But don't misunderstand; the gameplay has always been the real draw for me.

In my favorite video game list, OoT comes in at #3. Don't worry, though. Majora's Mask still takes the cake over Portal 2.

-Tsira

PS. So I have a 3DS, and Jaron's been playing with the AR cards quite a bit. But we also tried something new with the expanded options for making Miis. I made some of my characters. :) So just for fun, I'll post one with each post until they're all out, and you can guess who they are. :P

So let's start with a really obvious one. Who is this?

DONE.

2011-06-20T21:55:00.000-07:00

I. am. freaking. done.

...With two things:

1. (The happy side) I finished my revisions. I may do a little more tweaking, but I am very pleased with myself.

2. (The not-so-happy side) My hip. Again.

I feel powerful and powerless.

-Tsira

Noisy Neighbors

2011-06-18T13:57:00.000-07:00

(What? Two posts in one day?)

I had the chance to go to Lagoon with some friends yesterday, and I thoroughly enjoyed myself. All of the spinning rides make me sick, mostly because of the way they decelerate at the end. I generally don't have trouble with Roller Coasters, which sometimes start and stop very quickly. ...But it's having to stop at all the stoplights that makes me carsick, not simply driving. The same applies to thrill rides.

I obviously didn't have any time or energy left to work on my book last night. But while waiting for everyone to ride the Scrambler, I did have time to think about some new concepts. I'm not sure if I want to this for sure, but it might be fun to include Shosu as a POV character for my new story. It would help to balance it, too.

Also... I think I should tell you, as an addition to a previous post, that I do enjoy reading those long fantasy books. I don't have the talent for circumlocution, however, and I see it in every fantasy I read. Following after master Tolkien's example, no doubt. But I find myself thinking that I'd love to read a fantasy novel where there wasn't much of it. I have yet to see one--except for, hopefully, my own.

Okay, change of subject.

Do any of you have noisy neighbors? Because I sure do. The people who used to live next to us were very quiet, and I'd only hear their dog Maury (or something else that started with an M... can't remember anymore) barking like once a month.

But they moved out, and we now have neighbors that are... well, obnoxious, and a little bit scary. There's this little kid, a boy by the sound of him, who likes to run up and down the stairs, across the balcony, knock on our door, twist the doorknob, scream and shout... and cry. And his reason for crying is usually a big woman (I assume his mother) who yells at him for everything.

She's not very effective at getting him to behave, and by what I hear through the window everyday, I can only imagine that he has no respect for her. Because she obviously doesn't care about him. He's probably her accidental child from her last 'casual' relationship. And she's always telling him to "Shut the f*** up!" because she's talking very loudly to someone on the phone about her problems. Always.

And there's a teenage boy who has his friends over all the time and they all sit outside smoking and playing loud music and talking about sex and stupid boyfriends/girlfriends ninety-nine percent of the time. And when they're not over, he's still playing loud music. If it's not heavy metal, rap, or Gwen Stefani, it's Pirates of the Caribbean. I think I've heard Pirates at least forty times since they moved here.

And when they're outside, I'm afraid to leave my apartment. If I look at them, I worry that they're going to shout profanities at me, and if there's no one home, I'm afraid that they're going to break into our apartment and steal what little we have. They seriously freak me out.

Anyway... I just needed to vent. Ope, here we go. The kid is crying again after some harsh words by evil momma. Gah. I despise stupid people. Door slams. More crying.

...Jaron is home, finally. Yay.

-Tsira

Drawing/Writing Game

2011-06-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

As promised, here are some highlights from the Somnambulist's game on Wednesday.

-Tsira

Map

2011-06-13T18:13:00.000-07:00

I started on my revisions today, and may do more later, but for the moment I'm taking a break.

The first scene, already revised, can be found here.

I also made a map yesterday, and I'm pretty happy with the results. It's not the perfect map with the stylized font or anything, but all of the locations you hear about in my book (plus some others) can be found on it.

-Tsira

Whee-yu

2011-06-11T12:22:00.000-07:00

The road was indeed empty. Although he had to admit it would be easy to do so, no one was going to follow him. There was only one person who would want to know where he was taking this package. But she wasn't going to follow him, not tonight.

--

So Nintendo announced their Wii U console at E3. I finally got a good enough connection to watch their whole presentation (like 70 minutes). I've always been a big fan of Nintendo, for their innovation as well as the gameplay of their games. I'm sure you've heard me talk about The Legend of Zelda before (I beat Majora's Mask again last night), Metroid, Kirby, all the Mario games, Pokemon--they always bring something new to the table.

And they've done it again. While all the other systems (who are too busy loving their own graphics to focus on real gameplay) have been trying to catch up with the motion controls, Nintendo is now far ahead again--and this time with beautiful graphics and lame FPS (first-person shooters) games so that the so-called "hardcore gamers" will shut their stupid mouths. And I quote: "We need more mature games, not kiddi games. Sometimes you just need to shoot someone in the face."

...Sure, it's really mature to blow stuff up, guys (I guess that's why little boys love it so much). And that feeling of 'needing to shoot someone in the face'? I think you need to see a psychiatrist about that antisocial disorder.

Ahem. Next order of business.

Work has officially begun on my second novel, a sort of sequel to Tsirash. It will be a lot different than the first one, starting with the type of plot, cast of characters, and possibly switching POV (point of view) throughout the book.

I cranked out the opening scene yesterday, and Jaron said he's genuinely excited. I'll be sharing at our writing group next week, so I'll have a better grasp of reader response.

Another thing I'm hoping for with this new book is a deeper writing style. More details, little things that make the world richer (without being overbearing or dull), because this time, the story is bigger than just Octras. Sure, he'll be a major player in this new book, but his story is less than half of the big picture now.

-Tsira

P.S. As a side note of nerdiness about Elvish: The placement of ash (no) changes the exact meaning of a phrase. Ashja means "No fire" or "inflammable" while Jash means "Not fire" or "cold". You also may want to note that the Metan word for fire and the Elvish word for fire are the same--but the conjugations differ.

Fantasy is always so... long.

2011-06-07T14:42:00.000-07:00

Well, no more work until August.

I've had some trouble with all of this free time. I've been feeling pretty bored, no matter what I'm doing. I have gotten some productish things done (yes, productish) but lately I've been restless.

I've put eight or so songs on the computer this week, and I've messed with some old art. I also started playing Mass Effect (I suck at shooting stuff--it's not my normal type of game, but it seems interesting so far). I've spent a good amount of time just staring off into space, too.

I passed my book off to another person...

...and I'm reading Elantris by Brandon Sanderson.

My biggest reason for doing so was that some of the people in my writing group said that I have a similar writing style to this guy. And I can see some similarities in the way that we put sentences together.

But honestly, Fantasy is killing me right now. I love the idea of Fantasy and Science Fiction novels, and I like exploring these worlds a little, but... I just don't have their verbose talents.

See, it takes a lot of investment to get into one of those huge novels, with sometimes little real gain. I'm on page 154 of this thing, and it's all so much fluff. It's this world where random people became 'gods' all the time, but something happened to that--instead of becoming 'gods' now, random people basically become zombies. They all get thrown into Elantris, the city where these 'gods' used to live. In this world, there's Raoden, who's trying to give hope back to all the dead people in Elantris, there's Hrathen, who's trying to convert all the people of Arelon to Shu-Dereth or they'll all be killed (supposedly), and there's Sarene, who is pretending to be stupid for the king but is actually a clever politician. Of course, they're all big players in the political world, being crown prince, gyorn (High Priest), and princess, respectively.

Plus everything has the same name. There's the Seons and the Aons and the Shaod and Shoar and Teod and the Reod and Raoden and Rao. It makes stuff hard to follow.

...and that's it. Nothing has really happened so far. I've got a nice description of the world, of dozens of people and their motives, of the religions, and of the government, but...

A similar thing happened when I read Eye of the World by Robert Jordan. They didn't even leave the first little town until after 150 pages, and Rand and all of his buddies conveniently didn't know anything about the world they were in, so it could all be explained to the reader. (They had the sheltered life in the little village. Cliche much?)

I'm bashing Fantasy today. Cruel of me to say stuff like this about one of my favorite things.

I guess what I've always tried to avoid is that unnecessary length--and so I set up my book to offer those things I wanted to see/change in Fantasy. Sure, my story is set in this awesome world, but I don't go poking around in every little subject that doesn't need to be explained for the sake of the story. I am a very character-driven writer who chooses concise words for my stories.

That's all for now; peace.

-Tsira

PS. I'm making the font bigger.

Thermal Discouragement Questions

2011-06-02T19:57:00.000-07:00

I now have Tsirash in my possession again. And although I would like a few more people to look at it, I read all of the comments that have been added so far. I'm both encouraged and disheartened by what I read. I do always appreciate the helpful feedback, and doing this has given me a lot to work with. On the flip-side, I do like 'Congratulations, I like this a lot.' Though... that's not what this was about. But hearing, 'I love it, but...' makes me a little sad.

It would be crazy if I wasn't, I guess. I mean, this is my baby. This is the fruit of nearly ten years of changing ideas, characters, storylines, and scenes.

I realize that there are a lot of things that are not answered in this story alone. But I chose the limited 3rd person and intended to glue myself to it. There are no extra perspectives, no given motivations by the bad-guy, no hand-holding through the times where he is left in the dark. The reader knows only what Octras knows, because the story follows him only.

I have never known a book to be quite like this one.

That said, there's still a few things to be done to make the story satisfy the questions it raises. I did not intend for there to be as many questions as there were. A few, certainly. But many? No. So this is why I'm discouraged. I'm at a loss for aiding the reader--and especially because some stated that they had questions, but didn't tell me what they were.

And Valerie, Jakob is nine.

-Tsira

Worry

2011-05-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was kind of a... sad day.

Work was fantastic and Jen bought me lunch and stuff, so that was fine. It's just some of the stuff that came after that made me want to cry.

While Jaron was at work, I was busy marking things in my full novel that I need to look out for when I reread it. I marked all references to time, days, months, years--especially because they shouldn't be there. Days are days, seconds are seconds, but months are styses, weeks are lypses, years are cycles... The biggest reason for the change? Because they're not the same as what we are used to. Most everything is longer. There are only six 'months', there are nine days in a 'week'... etcetera. Anyway, I was doing that for a while, highlighting stuff I should pay attention to when I'm making my final edits.

After that, I went through Google Reader, Goodreads, Facebook, this blog, and deviantART, where I had basically nothing to look at. I post stuff all the time--and I feel kind of like no one is actually paying attention. I know in my heart that it's not true, that people look at my stuff without commenting--but my head worries that no one cares.

Anyway, I flipped open my scripture quad for help. And what I found there I thought was very interesting. It's (LDS) D&C 134:9. It states: "We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another proscribed in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied."

To me, it was a perfect thought about how the members of the church do not necessarily stand for the foundations of the gospel. I had a limited space in which to write my thought on Facebook, and it seems some people didn't understand what I was trying to post. So I got many comments and multiple notes. I guess that's what I get for putting it on Facebook instead of on here where I have all the room I need to explain myself.

But the point is, because people were worried I was bashing their religion or something, they suddenly all started to care. And it was hard for me to leave that little post up. But I did it, because I stand by what I thought about this scripture. But I couldn't get out an answer that made sense to everyone, I guess.

So last night I cried over my stupid book. Because I felt like... what I'm writing doesn't seem important to anyone unless it's over what they've been taught to do since birth--defend their religion. My book, Tsirash, that I've spent years working on, is almost ready to go out into the big, scary world, and it has always kinda been swept aside by the people I know and love. I know that, if you're reading this, you do care, but I'm just a worrier.

Jaron and I had a long discussion about it last night, and I do feel a lot better now, but I just needed to get this out there.

On a better note, I saw another comment on my Facebook post this morning: "I'm with Rachel. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the core of the church upon which it is led is true and correct in all its forms- but there are a lot of drones who were born and raised in Utah who don't really know what it is that they claim to believe, and as a result, mindlessly use the church as a back-claim for any of their personal beliefs and/or political opinions."

My trouble with going to church spawns from this fact, but Jaron and I are still trying very hard to get back into the swing of things. We just have to hurdle over some hypocrites to get where we want to go. This comment put almost perfectly what I've been trying to say. So thanks again, Eric.

Well, that's all, I guess. Ta-ta for now.

-Tsira

More Professional

2011-05-23T18:18:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to be more professional when dealing with my book. I finally came up with a single sentence hook:

Octras has tried to forget about his past as he travels the country, barely scraping by--but now Tsira, who has secrets of her own, promises Octras a fortune for a seemingly simple task: protect her.

Of course, things are not always as they seem.

I also need to fix my book as far as money and time go. When I was writing this book, I thought I would remember these things, but sometimes I forget how many days are in a lypse and how much a single kett is actually worth. So I'll go through and fix all that when I get Tsirash back from all the awesome people who have been willing to proofread it.

...I think maybe I should have asked for a ride to the concert tonight. Suddenly it's 7:26. I guess I'm not going, ha.

You know what I love? Portal 2. It's been in the back of my mind ever since I played it. It lets you figure out the story. Plus there's so many good lines. And puzzles. And lemons.

You know what else I love? Music. It evokes such strong emotion--and it can be understood no matter what language you speak. My favorite composer happens to be Japanese, and yet... his music is the most beautiful stuff I've ever heard.

Happy sigh.

-Tsira

Indexing

2011-05-20T12:50:00.000-07:00

Only eight days left until summer vacation.

I have found that my interests are sometimes very... hard to understand. I don't really know what makes me pick up a game for the fifth time and not finish others. I don't know why I am drawn to some abstract art while finding the rest completely pointless.

And I don't know why I felt the need to start indexing again.

But there's something about it that just... I. Love. It.

Can't figure out why.

-Tsira

Adventures

2011-05-14T21:27:00.000-07:00

She had neither the will nor the breath to respond. Everything she was felt wrong; her body felt torn on the inside. She sputtered a bloody cough, twisting to escape the dead face that looked at hers.

"My very own death knight. How delightful," the male voice said. "I hope you don't mind, dearest, but we'll have to take your memory of this. For your own sanity."

--

Can't see the cursor for some reason... so annoying...

I started reading Valerie's book, "Adventures in Pokti", today. One thing I've noticed a lot with this book is the way that she captures so perfectly the way that children behave. I work with them every day, so even though I don't have any of my own yet, I see the way that their minds work. Granted, the children I work with have a disadvantage in society, but it's a lot like the way my nieces and nephews behave, so... anyway, I love the innocence, the carefree way that the characters behave even in real danger.

Things like, "She's really evil, and nobody likes her," or "Did the evil people leave so I can go outside and play?" They're so cute, and so naive. It makes me laugh because it's so true to life.

Well, my novel has passed hands again, as of Wednesday. This will be the third person to read it... lessee, next is Valerie, then Barbara... and so on. This process is almost driving me crazy, since I won't be reading any comments on it until everyone on the list has read it. But I still feel that it's the best way to go about it. I'm just extremely impatient.

In the meantime, I've gathered up some ideas for a second and possibly even third story set in this world. I just have so much to work with, but so much to clean up. My idea pool is messy, and the gathered sections of information are so random in their placement. For instance, I was thinking today about these new ideas, and suddenly Rael was telling Octras to hit her. He said, "Why would you want me to do that?" and she smiled and said, "Because it feels good, you idiot." Delicious to my starving brain.

Well, on the life spectrum, things are going pretty well. I had food poisoning last week, but that went away the next day, and now my allergies are acting up again. I'm a little self-conscious about it because of kids going "What's wrong with your eye, Mrs. Rachel?" and I worry that there's snot hanging out of my nose that everyone can see but they're too nice to tell me so. But it's not a big deal.

There's only a few days left before summer vacation, but I haven't found a job. I didn't really expect to, since there are so many people who are much more qualified but out of work. And I do have a job... just... not one that I could do forever. At first I wasn't sure I could do it at all. Teach. Apply. Repetition. Frustration. Snot.

Love.

But I still don't want it as a career. If I'm going to have my own children, I don't want to deal with other people's children whenever I'm away from mine, you know? It would just be too stressful. I admire the people who can do it--almost all of the people I work with are women, and some of them have kids that age... gah. Can't even think about it. Brain explodes.

The best thing would be to do what I love most: writing. But I know that it's unlikely. Even if a publisher picks up my book, there's no instant success button. It's a lot of work even after it's published--I have to sell it to everyone. To anyone. I have to be outgoing, and I am naturally very shy. But... I want it so badly. I need to share these ideas that have built up inside of me.

Jaron isn't really sure what he wants yet. I think the biggest problem is the way that school is set up now. Colleges expect students to be "well-rounded" but we just aren't that kind of people. Jaron and I are very much alike, which led to both of us failing at college in the first semester. I kind of quit trying after a very hard teacher made keeping my scholarship impossible. Jaron keeps trying. And finally, he's had a little success, in Japanese.

As for the route he'd have to take in order to become a video game designer, I worry. When he is interested in something, he goes all out... but if it doesn't appeal to him, no amount of trying will amount to any success. He just doesn't fit in the system. His interest is very specific, and he's managed to read entire programming manuals and write scripts for his own little games, but... calculus? film? There's little chance. If he can't be happy doing something, he can't do it at all.

Well... I'm feeling pretty tired. Peace.

-Tsira

Waiting for Feedback

2011-05-09T16:28:00.000-07:00

“I didn’t think you would make it,” the thief said, stepping from the shadows. His black hair hung like drapes from a loose ponytail. “You’re clever to have followed me this far. Since you survived the climb, it means you’re either a magician or a death seeker. I’m curious to know which it is I’ll be killing.”

--

I do not like waiting. I've been aching these past few weeks, hoping that people read my book quickly so I can pass it on to the next person. Once my list has been exhausted, I'll finally be able to work out the last few details on my book--but until then, I'm pretty much stuck.

That's why I've been obsessing over a new idea, a sort of sequel, that involves a more political sphere (royalty and such) and a new character I've instantly fallen in love with.

Her name is Rael (said 'rahl'), and she's not like most characters I've ever come up with. She's basically the opposite of everything I stand for... and yet, I absolutely love her already. It's kind of strange, writing a character who loves drinking and gambling and sex. But it's also very exciting to me, to have something totally new going on in my head.

She's not the first "bad" person I've ever fleshed out--sure there's Xisht, and Una (who loves murdering people), but Rael is the first character who has dared tell me to "F*** off." I'm still going to stay away from being profane, since it's generally unnecessary, but I'm definitely excited to argue with her.

Strange? Probably. But I love it.

-Tsira

The Legend of Mura

2011-05-04T18:04:00.000-07:00

Octras licked his cracked lips as he studied the ground. The rocks around his feet slipped when he stood. He knew that his shell thief was somewhere in this pass, hiding among the jagged cliffs that jutted out along the face of the mountain. It was an ideal hideout, really. From the road, it was impossible to see any of the caves that existed among the broken cliffs. And the terrain was treacherous; no man was designed to climb the slope. Even as Octras drew breath, the rocks gave way, and he slid down a finger-length. The only way to find sure footing here was to test it.

--

As a fifth-grader, in one outdoor game with my siblings, I came up with a new idea: The Legend of Mura. I came up with the names for it; Jacob was Octras, I was Cira, Liz was Shelja, and Michael was determined to be called Jake. Cira was changed by Jacob to Tsira in a PS2 version of an RPG maker and I thought Shenra was less crazy. Octras ended up being the only character who retained his original name and spelling.

The characters themselves changed over time. Instead of beginning with four people, I decided to introduce Shenra and Jakob later on in the story. Jake's personality probably changed the least, though he's not nearly as whiny now. Shenra was more of the classic Tolkien elf to begin with, but the definition of 'elf' has changed for me, and Shenra has a lot more influence on things than she did. She used to just exist as an extra person good for fighting but leaving when she gets 'home'. Now she actually interacts with the other characters, particularly Octras.

As for the two master characters, they changed a lot. Octras was just the charismatic bodyguard to the hero, but now he is the hero. The story is told exclusively from his point of view. He actually has a whole romantic complex going on behind a lot of the other stuff, and he compares things to his training a lot less. He's less of a caricature. Tsira... well, she was the selfish character who just needed a friend, but now she's something much more.

I still use the name Tsira for almost everything in the virtual world: my email, this blog, my deviantART page, and my gaming name. But I'll make it clear now; the Tsira that is me and the Tsira of my book are completely different people. At one point, they were similar, but both have gone in different directions. While I try to maintain an intelligent persona as she does, the similarity ends there. I am not her anymore. She has her own life.

But the real reason for talking about this is the picture I discovered while going through that stack I told you about. I made this when I was ten.

Behold the original logo in all its pixellated glory: custom drawn (even the text) in Paint.

-Tsira

Old Writing

2011-05-02T18:35:00.000-07:00

Tall and elegant, even in fetters, a master thief stood. Her white hair hung to her waist, her dark blue skin standing out among the Metan prisoners. She wore an attitude typical of the Drow--her hands on her hips, all her weight on one leg. She took a few steps toward Octras, stopping only because she reached the length of her chain.

"Octras Jodrije, it has been a long time." She smiled falsely, revealing her sharp canines. "Aren't you going to introduce me to your new keeper?"

He pulled Naki behind him. "Watch your tongue. You're just lucky I haven't hit you yet."

--

I've been searching for a particular script I made about five years ago. I finally found what I was looking for today, but while I was searching I came across a lot of work that I'd completely forgotten about.

I ended up looking through a big stack of artwork and writing, and crashed into my younger self. Yes, crashed. See, I don't think about my childhood very often, and when I do, it's a brief visit. As for my teenage years, I never go there at all. There's a reason for that. Listen to my sixteenth year's voice:

"At times I feel a darkness which surrounds me.
It haunts me in every memory.
Why do I feel like this is real,
Even though I know I'm free?

The shadow creeps inside without a warning.
It feeds on happiness, leaves misery.
I am afraid. I'm lost in the rain,
Drowning in an endless sea."

I think I was always emotional, but when I got to be about fourteen, my fragile little world shattered to pieces, and I wasn't ever able to pick myself up. Regardless, I tried to deal with it alone. I didn't want to talk to other people about it, and they didn't want to hear it. When I finally opened up to someone, their response was this: "Your sadness is a choice. So choose to be happy."

Of course, this only brought more problems for me, because I didn't feel like it was a choice. But because I'd been told that, I was even more determined that I just needed some divine interference and a more positive outlook. Instead I sank deeper and deeper.

I finally went to see a doctor about the dizziness, insomnia and aching, and he gave me a miracle pill: an antidepressant. I was skeptical--a pill that can cure my feelings and make all the other problems just go away? But I took them, and I have been much better ever since.

Anyway, my reason for writing has changed over time. As a child, I wanted to explore my imagination. As a teenager, I wanted to alleviate my pain. And as I am now... I write because I love it. I write because I want to share that love. I write because I want others to know and love the characters and the places that I know and love so dearly.

And I write because I have to.

-Tsira

Majora's Mask

2011-04-18T19:03:00.000-07:00

She moved to study another area of the wall. "What about this one?"

"That's an Emera. And a real sword would cut through it in one stroke."

"This one?"

"Probably not."

She spun. "Then what should I..."

He turned as well. Tsira was staring. Twin rapiers, each with jagged edges near the hilt, hung from the back wall. Octras knew the slight curve of the blades, coupled with the blood-colored silk of their wrapping; these were killing blades, Myrmidons. They were the most expensive weapons in the continent.

"Those. I want those."

--

My book is out in the world, being read. I finally have an idea for a title that may stick: "Tsirash". It means "Home". I'll be writing at least two other books that take place on the same world: one is about the villain, the other is more of a sequel.

I haven't drawn anything (with the exception of wax on eggs) in a long time. I keep feeling like I should be drawing something, but... I'm at a loss right now. I just don't know what to do with that ability right now.

I'm on Spring Break this week, so no work! Yay! I'll have more time for wasting my time.

I just love the Legend of Zelda series. Everything about them is so well-done. In particular, I'm in love with the two for the N64, Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask. Nintendo is remaking OoT for the 3DS, so I'll be acquiring that when it comes out, but there's just something about Majora's Mask that is just so fascinating to me. There's just so much going on behind the scenes... and it's also kind of depressing, actually. No matter what you do, you can't save everyone. Even as I do each sidequest, there's something else going on that you don't have the time to fix. Even if you change something, when you go back in time, it just happens all over again. Besides that, the butler's son, Darmani, and Mikau cannot be saved at all.

Anyway...

I'm just going to enjoy my week off.

-Tsira

Stupid Hip

2011-04-07T15:05:00.001-07:00

Life can be really irritating sometimes, like when your body decides that it is going to hurt badly for no good reason.

In a string of lameness (literally), my hip has decided to go on vacation. Without its support, I can barely walk from the bed to the bathroom--and this is the third time it's happened! In August, I woke up with a sort of popping sound, and as I did my normal activities, and went to a baseball game that evening, my leg became stiff and hurt just to move a little in my seat. But that's as bad as it got.

In November(?) I experienced a similar sensation while sitting in a chair at work. After a few hours, it became so bad that I couldn't sleep. The next morning I couldn't walk very well and was forced to miss work. Jaron and I decided that we had better see what the problem was, so we took our concern to the InstaCare. After the doctor painfully moved my leg to see what its restrictions were, we did an x-ray and found... nothing. He said there was something that teenagers get sometimes, but my condition was passed off as a dislocation that did a little damage and then fell back into place.

It sounded a little fishy, but I went with it.

Now I have it again. This time it has been three days, growing gradually worse. As of late last night/this morning, I cannot walk at all.

I looked up my pain this time, instead of going through expensive procedures. Besides the dislocation, the only thing that came up with popping/clicking/catching in the hip was something called an Acetabular Labral Tear. But no matter what it is, I can only imagine that it will be a giant, painful, expensive annoyance in the future.

Sigh.

On the happy side of the spectrum, I've chosen a new project to work on while my book is being reviewed by friends. It will be the story of the villain of my book--how they became the villain and such. Should be fun.

Also, Jaron and I bought one of those Bit.Trip games. It was super cheap and it's very fun, though it's kind of insane visually. It's something like a cross between Block Breaker and Guitar Hero. But! The better you're doing, the more distractions the game adds so that you can't see what's going on. Miss too many in a row, and it sends you to the Nether, where everything is black and white, the music is gone, and you can't see the color of the bits coming (which is somewhat helpful). Miss too many in the Nether, and you're done. Seems short, with only three playable songs, but we haven't been able to beat the second song yet. We did get to the boss once, but failed horrendously once there.

-Tsira

Pysanky/Pysanka

2011-03-28T16:14:00.000-07:00

I'm not entirely sure which form of the terms to use--since pysanky/pysanka comes from Ukraine.

I choose Pysanka. It sounds better in my head.

Anyway, I brought it up because I make them. Ukrainian egg decorating is something my family picked up like ten years ago. We've been doing it ever since, but I think I'm the most enthusiastic about it. So let me explain the process.

It requires making a giant mess, so we only do it around Easter. ;)

First, you have to wash the eggs with vinegar-water, so that the dye will stick. Next, you take a pencil and draw light guide lines. Whatever you want white, you cover it in wax using a kitsky/kitska (is it a dialect thing or singular/plural?). When that's done, you can dye it. There's a specific order to the colors. For example, you could dye it yellow, orange, red, purple, black. Or yellow, green, blue, dark blue. But you couldn't dye it, say, yellow, green, blue, red. (You can change the color scheme with bleach or orange, but that's for another day.)

After you have all the layers of color and wax, it's time to wipe the wax off. We use a candle to heat it up--but we have to be careful not to scorch the eggshell. After it's clean, we varnish it, wait for a day, and then blow out the insides. (That's me blowing out one of mine, by the way.)

I feel like I should make it clear how easy it is to fail, even after hours of work. You could blob the wax. You could drop the egg at any point. You could burn the shell. If you use the wrong kind of varnish, you could rub the color right off of the egg. When you're blowing the insides out, you could create too much air pressure and cause the egg to burst.

See what happens when you drop it? You lose all the hours you spent on it. My little sister was the creator of this sad egg. She's broken two this year. But she did manage to create another like the first--this time without dropping it while taking off the wax.

While I've been creating ten beautiful designs, my husband has been doing this:

Pokemon. I asked him to make an egg, too, and he came up with this. Sigh.

-Tsira

Allergies

2011-03-25T11:02:00.001-07:00

You know, I've never really had to deal with allergies. I remember getting a rash from petting Rasja (Rahsia? Raja? I don't think I ever knew how to spell that name) when I was little, but my cat allergy seemed to just go away.

Now I am allergic to something, and it sucks.

I don't even know what I'm allergic to. Other than seeing an allergist to find out what it is, the only other thing I can do to prevent flare-ups is clean my house more often. It could be Luna's fault--I hope not--or dust, or mold/mildew that likes to form on the shower curtain, or any number of things outside. But it's been going on for a month now, and I just don't want to deal with it. It's not bad enough that I am often injured or sick, now I have eyes that freak out every night before I go to bed. Yesterday I woke up with a puffy, swollen face, and had to go to work looking like I had pink-eye.

Of course this had to happen. Who else is as invalid as I seem to be?

It makes me crazy.

-Tsira

No Title

2011-03-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

Hello, world.

Life is pretty amazing. I just finished my book, and I'm passing it around to a select few who have agreed to help me make the finishing touches on it before I send it out into the brutal light of day.

The sad part is this: I don't know what to call my story.

For as long as I have had this idea, I've called it "The Legend of Mura", but I came up with that title in the fifth grade, before I even knew what the plot would be. Many, many scrapped ideas, versions, characters, and plots later, the working title no longer suits the book. I've thought of many other titles to replace it, but none of them fit without revealing something that is not supposed to be revealed.

For example, if I was writing a book where things are mysteriously growing, and the reader should be guessing why--suddenly it is revealed that Fairies were behind it! But if I call the book "Fairies", it would ruin the mystery.

I think that it's for this same reason that J.R.R. Tolkien was opposed to calling the third part of Lord of the Rings "Return of the King". He didn't want that part given away. But he was eventually consigned to the idea. Maybe I'll have to be the same--but it doesn't mean I'll be happy about it.

Anyway, it's been a long road to this point, and I'm certain it only gets tougher.

-Tsira

PS. I have the internet now. We didn't before because Qwest and Comcast are just slimy dirtbags trying to outdo each other, hiding behind lots of tiny-font rules and exceptions. We now have Clear internet, and it runs nicely for a lot less money--and a lot less fine print.

I am not dead

2011-03-19T18:46:00.000-07:00

I am not dead, I am simply out of touch. (It's because I have no internet at my apartment.)

I got married to the most amazing person in the whole world.

I work with the cutest and most frustrating of people: children.

...and, I'm this close (fingers almost touching) to finishing my novel. It's basically finished, so I just need to read through it once, polish it a little, and send it out to my betas. Then I guess it should be ready to send to a publisher.

-Tsira

I'm Getting Married

2010-07-09T22:30:00.000-07:00

...he took a deep breath and lowered his head. Opening his eyes, he counted the bubbles as he exhaled. They popped one by one against the silver surface of the water. He stared at his reflection, who stared back with careful eyes. Even with the ripples he could see himself clearly...

In case you were dreaming for the past month, I'm getting married in three months, and I have a lot of planning to do. I don't really want to do all the planning. I just want to be married, not to get married. The being married is the part I want, I need. It gets harder to say goodnight when you know that he's the person you're going to sleep next to for the rest of your life... He's so close and yet so far away.

I am absolutely crazy about him, and I will be forever.

In other news, I finished my rough draft. It's a good step--and going back to read the things I wrote a few months ago, I realized how often I improve. It's a daily change.

-Tsira

Almost Done!

2010-06-28T01:21:00.000-07:00

I am almost done with my rough draft. I may finish tonight, and if not, then tomorrow for sure.

It's been an interesting experience, writing everything all out for the first time. This is my fourth attempt at this particular novel, and my first success. Actually, it's my first complete rough draft of any of my novels. I, like many others, get excited in the beginning but fall apart halfway through a project. The end seems forever away, and the reason I was excited in the first place eludes me.

But now, the end is a mere conversation away from the end. The climactic battle is over--I referred to it as the 'Final Boss', and anyone who has ever played a video game knows exactly what I'm talking about. It's not pretty. The writing is terrible, horrible, no-good, and very bad. But that doesn't mean it isn't worth it, because now I have something to work with. I have something to mold and tear to shreds and use to create a real, solid story.

The plot and characters have transformed since I first played the game where Tsira, Octras, Shenra, and Jake were born. I was in the fifth grade. And now I'm all grown-up, and my characters have grown, too. I still remember how they started, how the story has changed. And I lost some characters and some interesting scenes, but I think I can finally say I know how this story needs to be.

Well, good luck in all of your goals. I'll be in revising mode soon.

-Tsira

Summer Reading

2010-06-12T11:47:00.000-07:00

The wind picked up and thunder gurgled another warning. Octras was ahead of the others now, his weight making him slide farther than the others with every step. It didn’t help now that the air was stirring. Wind beat against the mercenary’s back, forcing him forward, bidding him to do nature’s will. He took a few steps and squinted, fighting his tangled bangs and the air for control of his sight. It howled as it tore past him and suddenly died.

Well, I've been reading a few interesting books. I still need to read the book Valerie gave me; Jaron read it a while ago while I was working on another book, and I somehow forgot about it. Of course, I feel bad, knowing that Valerie loved it, and even wrote me a personal note that stuck in the first page.

But I did read The Last Dragonlord by Joanne Bertin, which was interesting and character-driven. I think high fantasy often relies too heavily on the plot for its story, but this was... subtle. Much of the story happened slowly, naturally, while the characters followed logical courses of action. It was an entertaining read and I felt like I wrote better while I was reading it.

I'm also reading American Gods by Neil Gaiman now. I was shocked at the amount of needless swearing at the beginning, but I do love his writing, and the main character, Shadow, is intriguing and full of mystery. The concept is brilliant, and Gaiman's storytelling is powerful. I do need to warn some of my friends, though, the book is very adult.

Anyway, work is over for the summer, and I have lots of wedding planning to do.

-Tsira

News Almost Always Sucks

2010-04-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

“I’ll grow this garden just for two
In golden splendor, violet and blue
When you return they will bloom
And I will kiss your hands

You’ve traveled far to make things right
Long the days and lonesome nights
When you return, the candles we’ll light
And I will kiss your hands…”

I don't like being informed about things going on in the world. Sometimes I think, "I should find out what's going on, because I haven't looked in so long..." but when I read the paper, watch the news, or browse the internet, I say, "Oh, yeah, nothing has changed. The world still sucks."

I read the paper and found out about a lawsuit over someone dying after police hit him with tasers. I watched the news and there's murders, tension over homosexuality, abortion, and other sensitive topics, and there are people who hate others without really knowing anything about them except that they're a different religion or race.

I browse the internet and find that people are suddenly angry about those in the Faroe Islands who hunt whales, porpoises, and dolphins, and have been doing so for hundreds of years...

It's all just so petty and stupid. Why is this what happens all the time? I know... it's because we're still selfish, we're still stubborn, we're still offended, and we still don't understand one another. You'd think that we'd learn from our mistakes and get along... but even with past as it is, we all think that we are exceptions to the rule. Well, we can't all be exceptions.

-Tsira

I Still Play Starcraft

2010-03-30T14:32:00.000-07:00

“All right, show me what you can do. We need a place to start."

Jake fought with the air, his invisible enemy, flailing around like most children would. His arms too far from his body, he swung, wide and clumsy. Only using his wrists for strength, Jake attacked a weed, finally striking the ground. Even without an opponent, Octras could see that Jake would have fought the weapon instead of the man wielding it.

Well, blog, it's been a while. Work keeps me busy, as usual, but this week is Spring Break, so I'm home for the rest of the week. It will give me plenty of time to work on things that have been neglected, such as my book, artwork, and music.

I started to write a lullaby last night. Well, sort of. It has some different chord progressions, but it is something to send a baby to sleep. I just wish I had a child to sing it for. I know I'm not physically or financially ready to have my own baby, but with all of my married siblings having kids this year, I feel kind of... left out. I should be married already, but the money in the world (which I detest) states that I can't do it, especially because my job may not exist in the near future--it depends on how many children need special help. Even if I did get to keep it, I wouldn't be working during the summer, and I'd probably die of stress overload by the time I turn 25.

...Anyway. My creative slump is hopefully over. I've managed most of life's problems and can safely say that I feel much better. When I feel well, I write well. When I write well, all my other pieces usually fall into place.

I recently played through the original Starcraft campaign and the expansion, Brood War. While I admit that I cheated (come on, seriously, I got sick of the nuclear bomb warnings while a slew of invincible Protoss guys were keeping my armies busy) on a few of the boards, I still find it a fun and exciting adventure with a complex plot. I can definitely say that I'm excited for Starcraft II, which is supposed to come out some time this year. From what I've seen, the game looks beautiful, and the varied structure of the boards should break the monotony that exists in the first Starcraft game. I give it four out of five stars on my anticipation levels. The only other game I'm really looking forward to playing is the next Final Fantasy (as soon as I can get a PS3)...

Thus ends March of the year 2010.

-Tsira

After an Absence

2010-02-11T16:09:00.000-08:00

Morning came all too quickly. Sunshine blared through the window, making his eyelids seem red. He didn't dare open his eyes, knowing the burn that would inevitably follow. Every muscle ached, and even his old scars felt new. He rubbed his chest; it felt so cold--the seasons were changing rapidly. He lifted one swollen hand to his face. A tiny ridge beneath his eye was all that remained of his last mission. Drawing his arm over his red vision, he turned away from the light. He had not felt this sluggish in months. Never had a dream been this exhausting.

After many weeks of inactivity, I return. My job is a very fulfilling one, where I feel like I'm serving a great purpose. I feel terrible about being a few minutes late every day--it's usually less than five minutes, but still... my supervising teacher is really nice about it, too. I just feel so bad that I can't manage to make it on time, no matter when it is I wake up or if my ride arrives on time.

When I get up to go to work in the morning, sometimes there's that little bug in the back of my head that goes, "not this again," but every time I find myself thinking that, I am reminded how much those kids mean to me and how lucky I am to be there working with them.

My writing faileth because my work is so exhausting that when I come home I don't feel like doing anything. I hope to remedy this--I just moved into a new room and should sleep much better, wake up earlier, and have time to do things in the morning before rushing off to the school. If I'm getting better sleep, I should be able to be more active in the evening as well.

My day, verse 12: And it came to pass that she went to the school and there worked, for the space of many hours, until she was very tired; and when it came time for lunch she was grateful that she was not working over lunch recess.
13: And verily, the children cried that day, even half of all the class cried.
14: And at P.E., the Aide was attacked from behind, being stricken by a young man's head thus, even two times, until she was distraught herself; and she was astonished by the young man's actions.
15: And yea, verily, she had to go to her favorite fast-food place in order to console herself; when she had received her food, she cried out with a loud voice, saying, "No! They got my order wrong!"
16: And thus was the girl's day uneventful, until the coming of her boyfriend on the date of his birth. And there was much rejoicing in the land.

Blasphemous, I know. But it's fun.

-Tsira

The Looking Glass Wars

2009-11-27T10:18:00.000-08:00

Symbols ran down the right side of the paper, but what he noticed first was the horribly drawn picture that filled the rest of the space. The eyes were too big and the lips too small, the head too round, and the ears too pointed, but it was Tsira. He choked as he read the bold symbols, crushing the page in his fist.

I've written the opening of my FanFic, and I had a dream the other night that I think may end up as an interesting story. My mind just has ideas that it wants to express, and I know that it's not going to be easy, but I can do it. Even if others don't like them, I will like them, and that's really all that matters.

I read The Looking Glass Wars this week. It's a book by Frank Beddor about Princess Alyss Heart of Wonderland--the pretense is that Lewis Carroll got poor Alyss's story all wrong. She jumped through the Pool of Tears to escape The Cat and her murderous aunt Redd, landing in England in the 1850's, where she met the Reverend Dodgson (Carroll), who thought she'd made it all up. Though it's written at maybe a sixth or seventh grade level, it's pretty violent. Redd, or the false Queen of Hearts, kills her sister Genevieve by cutting off her head. The Cat has nine lives, so when he dies, he simply gets up again. The fighters consist of Card Soldiers and Chessmen, with guns like the AD52 (automatic dealer), cannonball spiders, and every imaginable medieval weapon. There's flesh-eating roses and corpses everywhere. As the title states, it is very much a war--a war that takes place over thirteen years.

I found that the ideas and characters were interesting, transforming the far-out tale of Alice in Wonderland into something believable while still maintaining that fantastic aura. People often say that Carroll was on an opiate trip when he conjured the classic story, but it had some very poignant thoughts, as does The Looking Glass Wars. I loved the book and recommend it to anyone with a taste for fantasy--except those with a weak stomach.

-Tsira

Coraline

2009-11-08T18:03:00.000-08:00

Octras was glad they weren't looking at him as his face flushed with embarrassment. He smiled halfheartedly. His mind reeled with things they might have said, wondering why they left him out of the joke. He envied their fast friendship, knowing all too well that he no longer afforded such dangerous things. Tsira was his employer, nothing more, and he meant nothing to her except as a nameless shield. The boiling laughter was sour, and he left the apartment.

My friend Jaron and I went to see the new Disney A Christmas Carol. He posted a review that echoed my thoughts perfectly, so I won't waste time writing my own. I will say, however, that it really couldn't decide what it wanted to be--it was not a kids' movie, as it advertises. If my nieces and nephews went to see it, they'd cry and have nightmares for months.

I intended to do NaNoWriMo this year, but it didn't happen. I wrote 1000 words the first day. My new job takes up so much energy that when I'm home I just want to relax and play video games... but I keep reminding myself how good writing makes me feel, and when I do it, I am relaxing. It's just hard to get started. Past that kick in the rear, writing is love. I sometimes think that maybe I have misled myself by wanting to make a book, but when I actually sit down to write, I'm so... happy.

I read Coraline again last night. It's such an interesting piece of fiction. I love Neil Gaiman's style, how he brings out the perfect tone and voice, making the writing have so much purpose. It's like he hand-selected every single word. Even though Coraline is a children's story, I think it is very clever and witty. I laughed out loud several times last night reading the book. In Coraline's boredom, she writes a little story that says a girl danced until her feet "TURND INTO SOSSAJES". I couldn't help myself; I just had to laugh. I find it interesting that the movie is so different and yet so similar. I know that some things in the film were done for visual effect, but there were other added elements to the story. There's no Whybe in the book, and no doll. Yet they work. It's like another version of the tale, just like any fairytale that changes over time. I do think that in the book Coraline is more clever than she is in the show. Oh well.

-Tsira

The Eye of the World

2009-10-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

Footsteps backed out of the room, leaving Octras alone with his thoughts once again. Cleansing his mind had never been prayer to him--he worshipped no deity, though he envied the confidence of those who did. No creator, no divine being, had ever done anything for him, though perhaps it was because he had never asked one for help.

I finished the Eye of the World last week, and I really enjoyed it. Despite my reluctance to start the story, the intricate plot and the little details sucked me in. In the first hundred or so pages we're introduced to a whole village of people, and though many aren't in the rest of the book (but perhaps the series, I wouldn't know) Robert Jordan launches into explanations of even the trivial characters. We meet Rand, who sees a Fade on the road as he's going into town. After that it settles down and shows us his friends and talks about a festival that is supposed to happen the next day. The story doesn't leave Emond's Field until... let's say 200 pages. That was the really tough part for me to get through. The book sat in my room untouched for a long time because of the slow beginning. I persevered only because my younger sister and my sister-in-law raved about the book, and Liz expected me to read it because she bought it for me.

I always laugh when I read books where the main character is conveniently clueless about the world so the author has an excuse to explain it. This was the case here, but he actually wrote it quite well. Robert Jordan had lengthy passages about specific details (the story is over 700 pages long) but the characters had depth I haven't read in a fantasy in a long time. So it was a little war for me--the verbose but eloquent writing, the intricate but sometimes boring storyline, and the deep but convenient characters.

In the end, I decided I like the book, especially at the end. The climax was clear and strong, and it left me satisfied enough as a single book should. I know that in a series it can be hard to leave room for more without sacrificing some of the climactic value--but I think it's important that the book should be able to stand on its own, not leaning too much on the others in the series. Robert Jordan did that very well. I'll probably be picking up the second book in a month or so.

-Tsira

Stevie Wants to Know

2009-10-15T18:48:00.000-07:00

Octras could see their temple from the outskirts of town. A clear pillar stabbed at the sky from the center of the healers' circle. As they neared it, chanting and chattering surrounded them. Blue cloaks covered every lean figure. A few yellow beards showed under the hoods, but they were mostly a uniform body, with robes the color of the sky and cream rings around the sleeves. Most had three or four of these odd bracelets around their wrists...

I'm not doing so well with the writing. I set a goal to help me write the last 35,000 words of my draft, and then it's break time. I love revision; it makes my story so much stronger. And I know my writing sucks. It will get better, though. Rough drafts are made to handle my horrible attempts at getting my thoughts into words--and revision picks through the scraps for the good stuff. It's funny; usually when I see other writers' revisions, there's comments here and there, and the occasional rewritten sentence, but mine is different. For a half a page of typed work, there's another two of editing. I scribble, scratch, make asterisks, underline--no word goes by unchecked. It's beautiful. I love tearing my work apart and building it up again. It always comes out better.

So, I'd lost contact with the outside world for two weeks (*gasp*). The reason for my lack of posts is that I had no internet. Qwest took it away because of a possible virus warning. As it turned out, the only thing on this computer was a tracking cookie. The computer downstairs had some, but honestly, they weren't doing any damage to anyone, and seriously, that's not how the internet works. You don't just take away someone's internet when they're paying you a fortune to use it. I've never even heard of something like that happening. It's ridiculous.

On any note, I'm alive and well, settling into my new job happily. And tiredly. It's interesting to see such strong personalities all mixed together. My kids could be book characters, and they wouldn't even need to be exaggerated. They are exaggerations. Quirky, full of conflict, and wonderful.

-Tsira

A Tale of Work and Play

2009-09-29T18:01:00.001-07:00

Tsira tripped again, but he caught her waist. She pushed him away and stared at the sky in wonder. He looked, too; the clouds were dark, as if they were about to burst with rain. Each shape was outlined with white sunlight, and the sky around it was a pasty orange like the dirt beneath them. So much of the world was red and yellow and brown. Only a sunny blue sky and lively green broke the monotony, but with the cold all the color in the world was fading. After the harvest, it would be black and white until spring.

I started my new job today, and although I'm scared, I really think that this will be a good place to work. I'm not even sure how much it pays. But the pay period ends pretty soon and I'll get my first check and then we'll see. So far my day has been exhausting. I didn't sleep well, wondering how I was going to survive my first day at the school, and wondering how Katniss was going to win the Hunger Games, and wondering how to approach the next scene of my novel, and wondering about Rand, and just about everything else.

I don't know how I feel about Hunger Games. I'll have to sort that out in my discussion with Andy, Jaron, and Julie. I guess I really am picky, not so much about what I like, but about what I love. It seems like Andy and Julie love the book. They are drooling over the cover of the second one, but they want to wait to read it until after our little book club meets. I know I enjoyed it... but... I guess I'll tell you about it when I'm done with that, too. I'm really curious about what Jaron thinks of it. I think it threw me off to be reading Eye of the World at the same time--I kept thinking, "the world is dying; how is she still finding so much food?" but I had to remind myself that was a different story.

I haven't really written anything today, but I do want to get that scene out. I'm just so exhausted. My body is finally giving on the whole vitamin thing. It doesn't want vitamins anymore. I'm starting to think that's why I was sick on Sunday morning. *sigh* My body wants to eat unhealthful things and sleep for two days straight. It wants to make me give up on work already, and never read or write again. It wants to die, I think. Fortunately, this is not what my mind wants. The two are in a constant, epic struggle. In any case, I'm still determined to finish my novel.

I have to play Pokemon today. I want a Shaymin. I love Pokemon. It's not over when it's supposed to be--you can just keep going, if you want. After you finish the main storyline, you still have to get all eight badges, and once you beat the Elite Four, there's still the Battle Tower and the GTS and Mystery Gifts. You still have to work really hard to catch them all--unless you're cheating, and if you're cheating, there's really no point to playing that game. I admire the game's ability to bring interaction. The last time I traded with someone, they had attached a letter to their loved pet, and it said to promise to take care of it, and listed its moves. Anyway. I'm going to go dip my head in a bucket of cold wake-up water now.

-Tsira

The First Day

2009-09-27T19:52:00.000-07:00

A small white flower had made its way through the soil, poking up on the road with the weeds. Its neck was broken, yet it still tried to stand tall among the passersby. A few people stepped on it before Octras noticed it. He'd never seen a flower growing in Crescent before. How sad it looked; he wanted to help it somehow, but he knew there was not a way, so he stepped around it and continued down the street.

Today I cranked out a scene even though I spent the entire morning puking my guts out. It always feels so good to write. Even on the days where I don't feel like doing it, I'm happy when I write. I tend to get really involved in what I'm putting on paper (I almost always write longhand before putting anything on the computer) and sometimes that means some measure of pain or headaches or sleepiness. Yesterday I was writing out a drowsy morning, and it made me so tired, and a few days before that I had a sharp pain in my elbow after writing about someone getting a nail in their arm. Some people will probably tell me that this is strange, but I've always felt that it made my work better, somehow. If I'm experiencing what my main character is, then I can more accurately portray what it is really like for him. (At least, with my current project it's a him...)

On a side note, I've been playing Fish Tycoon every time I get on the computer to do something. It's a slow-moving game, so I can just work on other stuff while I'm waiting for my fishies to grow up, and such. You may not like it, but I think it's awesome.

-Tsira

Welcome to the Story

2009-09-24T15:30:00.000-07:00

Hello, world.

Blogging, as I have been told, is often said to be this way:

"Never before have so many people with so little to say said so much to so few."

But don't despair. I had a blog that was for all my personal problems, all my rants, and eventually, I realized I really had nothing I wanted to say there. I think this is partly because my reason for starting my blog was all wrong.

I did it for a boy.

As it turns out, the personal blog did help me figure out some things, and it helped the few who read it understand me better, but it really wasn't what I wanted. It wasn't what I wanted it to be. I'm no longer the depressed child I was, and I realized, "I don't want anyone to read all my rants from two years ago."

This blog, I hope, will be more of a public journal than a private one; it will be the place where I can talk about books, music, movies, and all sorts of good things, but mostly it will be for my story. I'll soon be posting snippets of what I'm working on, and if something gets published, it will also be a place to answer questions about my world.

But for today, I'm just going to say welcome. Welcome, world, to mine.

-Tsira